the bastard strikes again.

[kaigou]

Yesterday when I was at the market, I realized I'd forgotten the single most important reason to NEVER LEAVE THE FREAKING HOUSE (at least for the month of December): the goddamn christmas songs everywhere.

Okay, some songs aren't entirely christmas songs, but they fit the mood, like in the aisles at the locally-owned (since 1897! it trumpets) hardware store and hearing Billie Holiday singing I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm. I could do without ever hearing The Little Drummer Boy ever again for the rest of my life (if only I could be so lucky) and no I don't care who covered it, I still hate that damn song. Most hymns I can let go in one ear and out the other, although I do find it somewhat disturbing, to this day, that Little Town of Bethlehem is in a minor key with some pretty depressing modulations in there; even as a child I had the impression that the song was saying the entire event was going to go south and fast, possibly with multiple deaths and some foreboding hints at a sequel.

So I'm gritting my teeth while I'm searching for the sweet potato chips CP likes, and doing a passable version of keeping my internal conversation loud enough to drown out the worst of the auditory pap -- until I get to the check-out counter. The girl is ringing me up, and I'm just standing there, card in hand waiting for my turn in the dance, when I realize the song playing overhead and wishing I had the ability to throw a curse back through time to whomever though such unadulterated tripe would make for a great holiday song, and then suddenly -- for what might even be the first time ever -- I don't listen to what the song means. I just listen to what it says.

I ask the clerk, do you hear that?

Clerk: what?
Me: the song. The song that's playing.
Clerk: Uhm. Yeah. *confused but pleasant* What about it?
Me: the words. What they're actually saying *points to ceiling-speakers*
Song: Where nothing ever grows / No rain nor rivers flow / Do they know it's Christmastime at all?
Clerk: Uhm.
Me: My god, that is the most freaking xenocentric, ego-freaking-tistical, culturally-biased goddamn line and I've been hearing this song for how many years now and I only just realized it? Who wrote this crap!?
Clerk: *stops ringing stuff up, totally distracted* I think it was a bunch of people.
Me: A bunch of freaking morons, you mean. Come on! *points to ceiling-speakers, listens to refrain* So basically the message is that everyone's miserable but if they just knew it's Christmas that they'd be happy, or something?
Clerk: It's supposed to be a christmas song.
Me: Yeah, but we're assuming the people they're singing about actually care whether or not it's christmas. If they're not christian, then the answer is probably, gee, not freaking much.
Clerk: *not even trying to keep track of ringing stuff up*
Me: Okay, honestly, Chunyun is way better.
Clerk: *stares* What? *mumbles* I don't know what that is...
Me: Chunyun! *manages to keep straight face* No way! Chunyun! What kind of heathen are you?
Clerk: Uhm.
Me: Four out of every five persons on this entire planet celebrate Chunyun! It's the biggest holiday! It's when you're with loved ones, celebrating, giving gifts, spending time together after not seeing them--
Clerk: *tries to smile* Uhm, it's Christmas?
Me: *cracks* Actually, it's New Year's. Chinese New Year's. But man, see, when January 18th or whatever rolls around, you could be happy but you'll be miserable because you don't even realize it's Chunyun! You'll be lucky to make it through the night alive, you'll be wretched and pathetic, but noooo, if only you knew it's Chunyun!
Hispanic guy behind me in line: February 14th.
Me: Hunh?
Clerk: Valentine's Day?
Guy: Chinese New Year's. It's February 14th.
Me: Whoops. Okay! Miserable on Valentine's day, how's that for irony.
Clerk: How do you know when New Year's is?
Guy: Because my wife is Chinese... *grin* And we always celebrate Chunyun.
Me: AHAH. I rest my case.

I still hate that song, but at least I feel better now that I have a rant practiced and ready for smoother repetition the next time I have to hear it while in line. Or maybe this year I'll finally wise up and have my iPod with me, with headphones, and just tune out the entire listening experience. Who knows what else might set me off...

Comments

[fromastudio]

*wikis* I wonder if Chunyun is a China thing rather than a Chinese thing per se - I'd never heard the term (although 'chun' + 'yun' is pretty intuitive, obviously!) or even the concept, and neither had either of my parents.

and to be fair (because I believe in giving the culturally monolingual some benefit) the equivalent of Chunyun is probably more like Advent. so the poor beleaguered clerk probably had some good reason to be bewildered. (I couldn't have told you what Advent was several years ago. and I'm Christian. not even heretical unless one takes the kind of high view of scripture that assumes everyone else is taking the low view. )

[kaigou]

I think it's actually pretty universal, though probably only known by that name if you're PRC -- I mean, "going home for the holidays" is something pretty much anyone does if/when they get a chance, right? Hundreds of thousands (or more) xtians travel home for xmas, as well. Plus when you're dealing with anything Chinese, there's always the issue of a single event being known by a variety of names because of the variety of dialects.

Even so, if I'd not been able to pull up an actual holiday in my head, I would've made one up, to demonstrate the arrogance of saying that an entire people are unhappy and miserable because they don't realize it's someone else's Big Holiday Event. The poor beleaguered clerk had all the earmarks of being standard issue from around here -- a romance-language first name on her tag, fair skin and pale hair, a teutonic cast to her face shape, and a cross hanging on a chain around her neck. In her defense, it'd probably never even occurred to her that the majority of the world is not xtian, seeing how much it's near-universal in the States -- but here's hoping that an interaction like this will make her think twice on that in the future.

The ultimate irony, of course, is in squalay's reply, which points out that the song is about the Ethiopian famine (I'd forgotten that detail) and that Ethiopia is one of the world's oldest xtian states, as in politically xtian, not just "has a plurality of xtians" but formally has had christianity as its official religion.

Really, the entire song is made of fail, to the point that I don't think I could come up with anything that comes anywhere near close. Even with a made-up holiday!