things that make me twitch

[kaigou]

Reading online short story while waiting for d/l to finish... and I hit one of those dreaded Mental Edit Moments. It's truly sad that I hit this all the time since I do love thrillers/action-mysteries, although off-genre is the worst at this kind of oversight -- that is, where author's selling genre is non-action, such as romance or SFF, but the author is adopting the tropes or veneer of an action/thriller.

In this instance, Black and Starr are undercover agents for the city police department (JCPD). Black has been off on his own scoping a potential bust when his fellow agent catches up with him. Starr begins to give Black grief about hanging out in the worst part of town.

Black started to walk past ... but a pale, surprisingly strong hand caught his arm, restraining him. "This is no place for a JC2 agent," Starr said, all teasing gone from his voice. "If someone recognizes you down here, they'll stretch out your death for days."

"You risk the same," Black told him, staring into the feline green eyes. "A snitch for the JCPD is just as bad."

I mean, really, is it all that hard to keep in mind that there truly can be ears and eyes everywhere? And is it all that hard to remember that someone -- be it human, superhuman, nonhuman, or creature -- who survives via deception (like an undercover agent) is not going to just randomly spill his/her top secret without effort? Characters who survive by keeping secrets should keep those secrets, not stand around blabbing them on street corners.

Dear author: when you put your story in the city, do try to remember that cities are FILLED WITH PEOPLE. And when your characters are undercover, do please make some effort to remember the character has a SECRET identity, not a broadly-publicized one. That's right: undercover + city = SHUT YOUR CHARACTERS UP. Nolove, me.

Comments

[haya5h1.livejournal.com]

The same way a certain Gundam pilot blurts out his full name (complete with middle initial) and occupation to people he's just met in public spaces?XD

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

*cough*

Gee, wonder who that could be.

*whistles*

[ravensilver.livejournal.com]

Ohoh... I actually know what that's from...

*coughs delicately*

I do have to say, in the author's defense, that she often has little to no time to revise before she posts, because readers are waiting for the post to show up like *now*.

*ducks down behind desk and hides*

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

I"m well aware that the remainder of that particular story deals with the ramifications (to some degree) of being overheard. But it still made for the best (and easiest to find) example of a point where my internal editor/censor attempts to correct what is still fundamentally a Stupid Moment on the part of the characters. Especially since, after scrubbing the lapse from my brain, I had to backtrack on it, which I found annoying -- bad enough to have the stupid moment, worse still to suspect it was forced by the author to create a specific setup.

Clearing out the mistake in editing is preferable over leaving it -- but my point is that making the mistake in the first place indicates the author is losing sight of/does not have sight of one of the major details that define an undercover character. I suppose that makes me less forgiving because I see it as so integral it's almost like writing about a cabbie and forgetting which side of the road he drives on.

[ravensilver.livejournal.com]

Hm. I haven't been reading the stories in that Universe for a while, so I'd have to backtrack to see how she deals with other UC situations within that universe. To be honest, I don't remember.

Now that you pointed it out, it certainly makes sense.

I guess it's being used as exposition, so that the reader (perhaps a first-time reader) is aware of the danger of the situation.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

If it'd been a genuine issue with that specific author, I would've gone into more detail (and had more than just two paragraphs to justify my irritation!). I was reading something the other day that bugged me on the same lines, and then while reading online -- where, I must note, I can copy/paste a lot easier than holding book open while I type in text!, let alone coming up with mental example -- I recalled, and found, this short segment. It worked to illustrate, and that was the sole purpose of using that author's short story.

IOW: RS, step down from thinking about the specific author -- this isn't a slam, just an observation of a shortcoming I've seen repeatedly, and I mean that in the sense of "finding it in many stories" and not "finding it over and over in that particular author's stories". While the author does sometimes forget potential onlookers, she's not quite as egregious as some in her forgetfulness.

As for explaining something to a potential/new reader, it's not like the exposition couldn't be in the narration.

"You risk the same," Black told him, staring into the feline green eyes. They both knew a snitch for the JCPD was just as bad, in the eyes of any criminal.

Maybe I should've cleared out the details that made the excerpt recognizable, but I didn't see reason to stress that much. (If I had been, I would've just created a rough example whole-cloth.)

[ravensilver.livejournal.com]

Ah, I understand. It's like seeing lots of red busses, after noticing the first one. It kind of sticks out once you've identified it as something that bothers you. To be honest, I haven't thought about it much - but now that you've pointed it out, I just *know* I'll look for similar moments in my reading from now on.

You always manage to open my eyes to new ways of reading a story. ^^

Love your icon, by the way. ^^ We'd have to start a "protect *from* Apostrophes Society" here, ever since people have started using the english ['s] to denote possession. In German, the "s" is added directly to the word (i.e. Simones Haus = Simone's house). But lately it's become all the fad to write it like in English. Even worse, it's being used for the *plural*! Instead of "CDs" - denoting many CDs - people write "CD's" - even in store signs. I get goose-bumps when I see that... *shudder*

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

(Would have had a hard time getting past the overuse of descriptive adjectives anyway)

You can find stuff like this even in published novels. The boneheaded error or slip of the tongue that's there to advance the plot or expose info and that makes the more astute reader roll her/his eyes and wish s/he could reach in and bitchslap the characters.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

(I was going to cull it down to the basic points, but couldn't be bothered, so yeah, you get adjectives. Hah. Although I should admit that the author has several sets of stories in four independent SFF worlds, and this example is from possibly the only story-set I can remotely tolerate. Man, you think this is bad on the adjectives, you don't even want to go near the rest.)

I see this kind of mistake most often in ex-genre attempts, and those I'll forgive (to some extent) because it's like writing westerns and trying to incorporate SFF details, and not realizing that the "meet up in a tavern" has been done to death. Not being versed in the tropes/stereotypes means what looks new! exciting! (or even "well, I should explain this, right?") sensible to the author ain't so to anyone who knows that genre.

When the story's in-genre, though, I tend to chalk it up to either a newbie author -- or just one lazy enough to not really think through the detailed ramifications of the character's role -- or just as bad, an inexperienced or lazy or overworked or disempowered editor. I mention the last because it does seem like sometimes the editor may request a change, but the author can refuse (or the editor doesn't bother on details, when other changes get so much argument) -- that seems to be an issue for small ebook publishers (who grab anything they can and settle for mediocre over nothing at all) as much as Big Name Authors who have the power to tell an editor to take a hike.

Eh, well, my mission to Set the World Correct continues...

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Isn't part of the problem, too, that a lot of readers lap up these books and don't seem to be part of the Nitpickers Extraordinaire Club mind too much? The latest example of clunking plot development of that sort that I read was in a book with widespread popularity which I will not name because its fans will instantly gather to lynch me. I remember staring at the page for thirty seconds, going 'no, he didn't. Seriously. He didn't just do that. That's NOT going to be an essential plot point. Is it??' and then my next thought was 'how the hell does a reasonably-known and published author think he can get away with something like that?!' The answer to that question being, his fans don't mind, they're not in it for the plot, they're in it for The Cool. That's why there are Mary Sue vamp books aplenty out there, and SF heroes who bone every single female that cross their path, and Harlequin romances badly disguised as fantasy. Because plenty of people will buy them, and the publishers have no moral qualms when it comes to choosing between literary value and the dollar sign.

Books that have both solid plot, good characterisation, and plenty of punch, are far and few between ;_; This is why I don't read much anymore, and never without a solid recommendation. *misses your book recs*

Good luck on THe Mission. I've given up.