kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
Gee, there appear to be credits for the company that did the dubbing. So why does the actual production value make it seem like THE ENTIRE STAFF WAS ASLEEP for the entirety of the recording?

First! You! With the SCRIPT! Look, just step AWAY from the KEYBOARD. You do not DESERVE this job. Go back to working as an ACCOUNTANT where your tone-deafness for language will not HURT people who have no CHOICE but to read your PATHETIC EXCUSE for a SCRIPT.

Failing that, a small hint: when a character speaks precisely and formally, you can indicate this by NOT having the character answer "yeah" -- HELLO, INAPPROPRIATE COLLOQUIAL -- or by using contractions. "It'll be dangerous" does not have the same weight or cadence as "It will be dangerous." Your script is half the basis for characterization, maybe even more for viewers with no exposure to the language at all. Don't freaking mess with someone else's work. Just freaking translate it -- properly -- and then get the HELL out of the way AND take your LAZY-ASS inappropriate colloquialisms WITH YOU.

Second! You! With the DUB SCRIPT! And no ducking out, mister soundman and mister director because YOU TWO ARE NEXT. )

So from now on? NOT BUYING. Not until I get word that someone is actually doing DECENT work, y'know, that includes knowing what all those knobs and buttons and dials are for on the soundboard and ACTUALLY USING THEM.

Until then, no dollars from me, you freaking lazy-ass brainless twits of a dubbing company.

I mean, REALLY.

kaigou: this is what I do, darling (A2] utter stupidity)
Yes, I'm amused by the reports of those generous souls who took it upon themselves to suffer through the movie release for that sparkly-vampire story. All quite amusing. What is far from amusing is this tendency on the part of several reviewers to identify the sparkly-emo-vampire as gay.

Gay is not synonymous with 'stupid' or with 'lame'. This character is emo, stalkerish, and cardboard, but not homosexual. Anyone with two verbs and a noun to string together could at least put out the effort to find a more appropriate -- let alone colorful -- adjective to throw in the pot.

First off, the character is obsessed with a chick, so even if he shows latent homosexual tendencies (beats me, haven't read the book nor will I ever, ever see the movie), he's still obsessed-with-chick. It's probably a reasonable conclusion to say that he's at least predominantly heterosexual.

But more importantly, gay means the noun described likes the same gender. It does not mean the noun is strange, lame, freakish, twisted, stupid, or dresses up in bad 80s new-wave and smears its lipstick. Or even that it sparkles.

I have real trouble giving anyone the benefit of the doubt who complains about a story's typecasting women, and in the process of doing so, typecasts some other minority instead. Doesn't make it right, and it sure doesn't make it funny, and it sure as hell doesn't impress me.

Word choice, people. Learn it, live it, and get on with it.
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (execute the lot of you)
Some of you may remember when I was grinding my teeth over the possibility of attending a HS reunion, a notion that filled me with so much goddamn ennui that words nearly failed me. (But not quite.) Regardless, a sort of compromise was achieved -- more like, I felt kinda bad that I have no really positive memories of anyone in HS except for maybe three or four people, only one of whom has ever kept in touch with me -- and since that one friend's not on LJ, I rather ungracefully agreed to maybe, y'know, kinda, sorta, looking at signing up on facebook for, uh, I dunno. I guess so if my friend wanted to shove my name in front of former classmates, even if every name mentioned drew an almost complete blank with me.

So anyway.

About two weeks ago, I guess, I finally said to myself, well, fuck it, get this over with. Then I can go back to being eternally grateful that the fuckheads who were our senior class representatives (whomever they are; I barely remember my senior year, let alone who we freaking voted for) decided to abruptly shift the reunion to August & not over Homecoming weekend, which meant I could slide out of attending on the pretense of not enough warning, etc etc.

Carrying on: imagine me dutifully signing up for facebook, and this is where the amusement begins, of course. )

Market data-mining, my freaking foot. If I wanted to be a freaking statistic, I would've gone ahead and become a junkie adolescent parent with a full scholarship to Harvard. At least then I would've been some kind of an exciting statistic, not to mention been able to sell my partially-plaigarized autobiography for a gazillion dollars.
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (lacks style)
This is a semi-continuation of my earlier post, which was far more reasonable and explanatory. I think. I'm not making that attempt in this post, but I divided the two to give myself length if I wanted it, and to allow those of you who want the quasi-intellectual contemplations without wading through the snark. Or vice versa.

As we return to the days of lore the scene of the crime, at last check the hero that bastard was on page twenty-nine of a thirty-three page chapter and starting to make decent headway, when what did arrive in the email inbox but...

I'll break it out in segments, because I feel the urge. Everyone, feel free to sing along when I get to the chorus. You should know the words by now, snark included free of charge, be sure to tip your waiters.

Wait, can you call it a cease-and-desist notice if it's one thief accusing another thief of thieving? )

Geez. Some people.
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
ETA NOTE: yes, yes, yes, I know the legality already, and I understand that there are "people out there" who would gladly send of eighty PDF-copies to various broke friends. That's not really my issue, nor the real point of my rant, otaykthx.

When I purchase a book, it's a fair possibility that down the road I will GIVE THIS BOOK AWAY. ... with a slight segue into What's Pissing Me Off Right Now About Scanlation Groups. )

This credit thing's gotta work both ways. That goes for the ebook publishers -- who need to recognize that I can feasibly hand over a copy of my purchased book, regardless of format, to someone else and never read it again myself, and that this option is one of the reasons I purchase books rather than just check them out from the library. And that also goes for the scanlators -- who need to realize that if you want me to respect the work you've done, then don't throw it in my face that you'll commandeer someone else's work, without credit at all, for the purposes of your own hypocritical reminders to me that I should never ever distribute your work without crediting you.

Yeah, right. I got yer freaking credit RIGHT HERE, baby.
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
If the character described is female, and she's given measurements of 38-30-36, a height of 5'4", and a weight of 100lbs, the author must be male, or a particularly lame-brained female who hasn't weighed 100lbs since she was in grade school. Anyone with C-cup boobs on a 38" ribcage knows that alone is going to be putting a fair 10lbs more on the scale's measurement.

130lbs does not automatically equal 'fat woman'.

For that matter, 170lbs does not automatically equal 'fat woman'.

A post in which your host must now, as befits a former athlete, get a bit frothed at the mouth about lame-brained obviously-non-athletic authorial weight descriptions with no basis in reality. )

Or, better yet, all you authors who insist on giving "guess his/her weight at" measurements -- just stop! Just don't do it. You're perpetrating the stupidity myths in this culture about weight and strength, you're mangling reality in ways that just don't freaking work, and most importantly, you're annoying the fuck out of me.

Stop it. Just stick to "about so-tall," and physical description in terms of muscle, fat, curves, and planes. Leave the numbers game to those who have a clue, and let it slide for everyone else.

ETA: WE HAVE THE SOLUTION. -- a great resource. use it!
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (execute the lot of you)
Best damn quote on the topic, by [livejournal.com profile] rachelmanjia:

"Fiction which is not emotionally honest is artistically bankrupt. Memoir which is not factually honest is morally bankrupt. It is a writer’s moral and artistic obligation to tell the truth in the manner that is appropriate to the story they wish to tell."

Somewhere between annoyed... and not totally shocked. )
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (lacks style)
Sometimes the world of translations and scanlations really irritates me.

Let’s say I like a particular mangaka. Just like I do with English-language fiction (as do many people), when I find an author whose style and voice I like, I often go in search of other works by that person. It’s no different with standalone comic books (I clarify that as being in contrast to long-running serials like Superman or The Dark Knight, where the publishing house may contract a variety of authors and/or artists over a series’ long life). Over at Baka-Updates Manga, I learn the mangaka has a series with the Japanese title of Mainichi Seiten (picking a title completely off the top of my head). It’s been licensed. Okay, that means I can purchase it at my local comic book store, and I would expect it to be a decent-quality translation. (Not always, but one can hope. I mean, not all publishing houses are Dark Horse, after all.) The link, however, is to Digital Mania Publishing (DMP) who really, really need someone to kick them in the head. I mean really kick them in the head. Several times, at that.

The pages opens, and you see a series of cover-shot images, with the english titles above each image. I only know the Japanese title. I’m supposed to scroll through the images and pick something that looks like it might’ve been drawn by the specific mangaka I like? Where’s the search function? Oh, wait, there isn’t one. Where’s the author’s name listed? Nowhere. ) This is assuming I even have any interest in reading the mangaka’s work in the first place, if I’ve been able to find the remotest teaser or taste of his/her work to make me curious enough to search it down. Because for the scanlations prior to licensing, sometimes there are just so many goddamn hoops I have to ask: WHO OWNS THIS ANYWAY. ) It gets really ridiculous when you see non-translated scans, though. That’s where I just shake my head and wonder at this bizarre confluence of the internet’s strong “information wants to be free!” drive, meeting head-on with the human impulse to ‘own’ your work even when your actual input of ‘work’ is so derivative as to be nonexistent. )

Dear scanners: somewhere on this planet, in a small dark room, there’s a little boy playing a violin just for you.

I don’t care, though. I just wish DMP and its ilk would identify the authors, create a search function, and post at least the first four or five pages of any work so I can get a sense of the work. Then I could just avoid these self-entitled scanlation hostage-holders altogether.
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (not exactly the plan)
Especially if you've got the chromosone that says "will automatically have the HARDEST FRICKIN TIME when it comes to electrical systems". I'm talking everything from Kaypro to Compaq to Apple, and every operating system from MS-Dos 1.0 through Windows NT, from Apple's first release through the first Mac up to Leopard 10.5, all the way back to the world of CPM, Pascal and Cobol. Considering I (accidentally) created a virus in Fortran that infected nearly every program on the university's terminal system, the past two weeks shouldn't surprise me.

Frustrate me, but not surprise me.

And thus, I bring you: HOW TO GET A NEW COMPUTER RUNNING... IF YOU'RE ME. Have alcohol handy. )
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
(If I'm critiquing a neighbor, does that count as a review?)

Yo, neighbor, you suck.

Last night I drove past your house after sunset. Apparently you seem to think you're quite patriotic, but tonight I shall probably be arrested for spray-painting across your house, lawn, and truck that you're not patriotic but an OVERCOMPENSATING IGNORAMUS.

I could pretty much guarantee that you've never been in the armed forces, sir. )
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
Warning: what I have to say here, you may not agree with. In fact, based on what I see on my flist, the majority of you may find the Other Point of View to be potentially offensive. I don't intend personal offense against anyone, but as a former business owner, I've hit my limit. SA/LJ may make an easy target, but I don't think it's the right one.

Really, IMO, it's time folks in fandom understand at least one thing: ) the right to free speech is a right that the government will not infringe; it is not a right granted automatically by a private business.

As for the obscenity laws, please, stop citing Mapplethorpe. Please. )
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (utter stupidity)
Dear Hollywood Producer:

I grew up reading The Dark is Rising series, and had minor hopes you wouldn't pull a Jackson halfway through the book (in re Faramir), but I certainly never expected this. I must say, do you intend to preface the movie with a thirty-second clip consisting of an apology to fans over the past forty years, and perhaps a warning that if one liked the book, one may -- if not most likely -- detest the movie, and for this fact you are most sincerely apologetic?

It's possible, of course, that you didn't actually read the book. I'm willing to give that creedence, given you seem to have missed some incredibly important details. Like, say, the fact that Will Staunton is -- I'm not making this up, but am in full seriousness here -- BRITISH.

Yes. What a shocker. British. Who would've thought it?

Although, I'm willing to consider that at some point, someone did point this out. I can only guess that you must have argued that for a movie to be popular in America, it must have an American face, an American accent, an American perspective. You have no idea how mistaken you are, and I can prove that point in two three words.

Harry. Frickin'. Potter.

Or maybe you only read the synopsis, and this explains why the only similarity I can find between movie and book are in sharing a title. ) Okay, maybe you shouldn't bother with a thirty-second recorded clip extending your deepest apologies to any long-term fans. You're right, it's probably too late for that. I suggest you contact the FBI instead, and see how much it'll cost you to get into their protection program.

You're going to need it.


PS: from the cast listing on IMDB:

Jim Piddock ... George
Mark Donovan ... Fight Promoter
Stephen Evans ... Trickster

Where's Dawson? Or John Wayland Smith? Who the hell are these characters, and what are they doing in one of my favorite storylines? Maybe someone else can explain this. I'll be back to find out if so, but in the meantime, I must go find my happy place.

Which today happens to be: in the LIBRARY, with a GLASS OF WINE, reading the REAL THING.

*gnashes teeth*
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (x ganesha no obstacles)
Boy, that phrase has taken on a new meaning around here.

When we bought this house, we didn't know until we were driving through West-by-god-Virginia that we were purchasing a house in the 100-yr flood zone. (Gee, thanks for the warning, assholes.) Given the type of loan, flood insurance would be mandatory -- there goes about $750 a year. Lovely.

The hidden teeth-kick in that tidbit? The BFE (base flood elevation, aka the big fucking exasperation), as last measured by FEMA, was 612.8 feet. Our house's oh-so-pedestrian concrete slab (and thus the foot-level of our only living space) is 613.5 -- not quite a foot outside the BFE, but close enough. Reason for our insurance cost? Our garage floor -- on the opposite side of the house from the creek -- has an elevation of 612.6. That's point-two feet: only 2.5 inches below the BFE! Not even a bloody half-foot! Barely a quarter-foot!

My grand scheme all along -- because you just know I've had one -- has been... )

On the other hand, go ahead. Ask me about levees, flood walls, flood zones, urban reforestation, ephemeral ponds, edge growth versus deer population, retaining wall construction, microclimates, elevation measurements, wet and dry flood protection, or building berms. Go on. I can take it.
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (x boots)
Rather than get into this on anyone else's journal -- especially anyone patently against my position -- I'll say it here. I made no attempts to be civil, because I'm pissed. Do not think for even a heartbeat that this means I feel no remorse for the dead: I am not heartless, I am furious. I am angry that those children were fish in a barrel, and thus, with all due caveats of this being my opinion...

The argument that outlawing guns will prevent murder is absolutely moronic.

I got a newsflash for you. Murder is illegal regardless of means, and it don't make even a speck of difference how it's done. I can kill you with a knife, and if we're in a district that's outlawed any knife whose blade is over 11", then I put away my chef's knife and I could murder you with a paring knife, if I get you in the right spot. I could slide a screwdriver between your ribs in just the right angle and skewer your heart. I could beat you over the head with a broken chair leg. I could drown you, I could suffocate you, I could throw you out a window. Or, I could go cheaper by the dozen, and still not need a gun.

Timothy McVeigh didn't use a gun. He used fertilizer.

It's still murder.

In fact, it's a fuckload easier for me to get ahold of a paring knife, a screwdriver, or even fertilizer, than it is to get a gun. And I don't just mean the background check or the three-day waiting period, I mean also that guns are damn well expensive. But I don't see anyone outlawing fertilizer, or paring knives, or screwdrivers, or even windows more than ten feet off the ground that don't have bars to prevent a body being thrown through them. No, I don't think that's a ridiculous response. Frankly, I think it's a good analogy because it reveals just how ridiculous it is to say that outlawing guns will cut down on murders. Bullshit. You know the old adage about the better mousetrap? It works for human vice, too: it doesn't matter what you allow or outlaw.

People determined to kill, will find a way.

Okay, so you take away our right to private gun ownership. Do you realize what this means? How much empirical evidence do you need? Look at Chicago, New York City, Washington DC: they have the highest murder rates of any cities in this country... and, curiously, they're also the cities in which private gun ownership is outlawed. The second amendment does not exist in those precincts; private citizens have no means nor right to defend themselves and their homes. And of course the criminals still have guns: if they gave a shit about the law, they wouldn't fucking be criminals.

Face it. People will commit murder. One way or another. Nothing you can do will change this. )

Don't you feel safe now?

Gee. I sure do.
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (bang)
I'm unable to recall where I read the comment that "currently, 90% of all urban fantasy on the market right now can be boiled down to several vamps, a werewolf or two, and a chick with a gun." Alternate versions being: chick with sword; chick is asian (or euro-asian mix); chick falls for werewolf instead of vamp; chick is also witch; chick is also half/whole demon.

Hrm. Yes, well, feminism, all good and well (and I say that as a the former Second Evil of the ATPoBtVS) but I think the whole "badass chick" element is missing what made Buffy -- and, curiously, Superman and Batman -- so much of a subversive element. Stroll through the synopses, reviews, back-cover copy, the stories themselves: I can't think of a single one in which the protagonist badass-chick was once a cheerleader, or any other everyday wholesome all-American middle-class kid.

That is, urban fantasy's filled to the brim with a whole lotta Faiths, and they're running around cheerfully proclaiming they're "just like Buffy".

Err, no. They're not.

What makes Buffy so subversive, in the same subversive way as those two classic superheroes... )

And while you're at it? Vampires are the bad guys: Buffy did two, Anita's done who knows how many, and there ain't no way you can spin that top without us thinking of either. That road's been dug down into two deep ruts, one named Whedon, the other Hamilton. Find a new road. Please.
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
I shall rant. Go me.

I could say this elsewhere but for the sake of at least attempting to avoid too-extreme offense, I'll post it here, blather off, and carry on (which I'd do anyway, but you know the drill). Now, in case any of da flist missed the random political commentary now and then, yes, American. Despite the tattoo, I was never raised, nor ever expected, any kind of royal or noble position, nor is it ever gonna happen. Because, y'know, generic American mutt. Please keep this in mind.

Talking about fantasy, taking one place as jumping-off point but not all of this is single-source. It's just on my mind in a variety of ways because that's the way my brain works.

Predestination, predisposition, and the issues of magic as religion or as technology. )
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
Another round o’ reading, these all being used books printed in the mid-90s, mostly. One of the few I’ve finished is A Prince Among Men, put out in ‘95 by Warner books, written by Robert Charrette; this appears to have been his second book, his first one being a fictionalized work for the Shadowrun game/series. Okay.

It does show its age: it’s trying hard to capitalize on Gibson’s cyberpunk, with a veneer of fantasy. So there are annoying quirks, which naturally I will now fuss about, because hey, I can. )
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (impatient)
Dear Marketing Person:

I was going to spend $10 on a book, until I read the teaser you wrote, which begins, and I quote:

Imagine the glory of Rome. Now imagine it’s fall.

If you cannot see why I threw the book back on the shelf with a cry of disgust, you should not only be fired, you should be shot, as well.

No love,

Mesdames Edghill and Lackey:

Please be aware that we have an annual quota on all characters used in typesetting, including punctuation, capitalization, bolding, and italics. Consider this notification that the first half of your two-novella book, Bedlams Bard, has not only maxed us out on italics, it has maxed us out for the next three years, and that was only in the first five chapters.

Please, couldn’t you have thought of the newbie authors and their chance to italicize at least four words per novel? The children? The kittens? The burning, weeping eyes of your readers attempting to parse pages upon pages where there’s more italics than not?

Have pity, please, both upon your readers and our goddamn quota, because if Poul Anderson can’t even italicize a single quasi-alien term in his next bestseller because we’re maxed to the gills, it is ALL YOUR FAULT.

No love,
the editors
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
A few links, write-by-numbers, and what's out there. )

Anyway, although I don't like the idea of writing a 'message' story (you must believe in the OTP OTG! you must give up your backwards notions of a god!), I do like the notion of raising the biggest damn questions possible for the two halves. For someone whose entire life has been predicated on the idea that a god exists, that this god is looking out for him/her, that god is In Charge, what does it mean to have it confirmed that this isn't true? And what does it mean to live one's life as an atheist and find out there is a god?

Dune and Majipoor Chronicles are the only ones I can think of in which the religions are not completely monolithic, in which there's inter- and extra-religious conflict, and in which characters range from highly devout to downright skeptical. Anyone know of any others?
kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
I'm more than a little frustrated with what I see as some pretty ass-backwards, bogged-down, body-obsessed bullshit about virginity. Look at how we talk about it, like it's a tangible thing: I want to lose my virginity or I'm going to give so-and-so my virginity. It's embedded in the language but it makes you sound like you missed the clue-bus, because virginity is not something you can wrap up in a box and give someone. Nor is it a favorite hat that you wear until you come to some arbitrary decision that you've grown out of it and it's time to graduate to a new hat. Puhleese.

Granted, part of what stymies a conversation like this is the awareness that you must actually have had sex to comprehend what I mean. Otherwise your input, bluntly, is about as valuable/valid as me trying to hold forth on the values of natural childbirth. Having never been through labor, nor having ever attempted to pass a bowling ball, nor having ever taken my lower lip and pulled it up over my head, I can't speak with any knowledge on natural childbirth other than to quote people who have, and to state my one-step-removed opinion about those other people's experiences. Clearly if the only people I know to quote are people who found natural childbirth utterly excruciating, then this will color my one-step-removed opinion.

But back to virginity. )


kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
锴 angry fishtrap 狗

to remember

"When you make the finding yourself— even if you're the last person on Earth to see the light— you'll never forget it." —Carl Sagan

October 2016

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