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kaigou(If I'm critiquing a neighbor, does that count as a review?)
Yo, neighbor, you suck.
Last night I drove past your house after sunset. Apparently you seem to think you're quite patriotic, but tonight I shall probably be arrested for spray-painting across your house, lawn, and truck that you're not patriotic but an OVERCOMPENSATING IGNORAMUS.
I could pretty much guarantee that you've never been in the armed forces, sir, despite your proud "GOD BLESS THE TROOPS" sticker on both your gas-guzzling SUV and your gas-guzzling F250, neither of which -- I couldn't help notice -- have even the remotest hint of dirt, scuff, or scratch, so why you'd need either in a suburban neighborhood with FULLY-PAVED ROADS in a state where it never freaking SNOWS is completely beyond me. Because if you had been in the military, or had anyone in your family who had, you would bloody well know YOU NEVER LET THE SUN SET ON THE AMERICAN FLAG.
Moron.
Why does it seem the people who slather every car with "God Bless America" stickers, who proclaim the loudest that burning the American flag should be against the law, OMG arrest those hippies who'd ban Independence day, who shout like all get out when someone suggests removing "under god" from the pledge," who just go livid at the notion that anyone could possibly be against 'the war' (let alone say it publicly) -- why are you ALWAYS the freaking' biggest HYPOCRITES when it comes to public shows of respect?
Okay, jackass neighbor, here's the rules.
First of all, don't let that flag touch the ground. Ever. If you do, you have desecrated it, and according to the US Flag Code, you must burn the flag. Yes! It's true! If you outlaw BURNING the damn flag, then you have REMOVEDthe only legal means of the code's sole suggestion for DISPOSING of a flag.*
* unless "take to the nearest VFW" or "take it to the Marine Corps" counts as alternate types of "disposal".
Second, never let the sun go down on the flag. If you want it displayed 24-7, then get a damn SPOTLIGHT -- they're real cheap, go by Lowe's and pick one up, you truck-driving gas-guzzling, useless waste of air -- and set it on that flag and when the sun goes down that light had BETTER go on or I WILL be back to kick your ass all over again.
Third, raise the flag quickly, but when you bring it down, you do so slowly. It's a sign of RESPECT.
Fourth, you don't make the flag into something that's disposable. You can make an eleven-stripe flag into drink twizzlers, or into cheap flags you fly on your car, or into a bumperstick, but a thirteen-stripe flag -- the actual, official, flag image -- should NEVER be something that's used once and discarded without second thought. If someone gives you crap about this, just tell 'em you believe in showing respect to the real thing. Or better yet, take those frickin' useless overcompensating stupid little flags OFF your oversized hatchback-killing SUV.
[In fact, while I'm on the topic, it is NOT illegal to fly the flag upside down. This is a well-known, militarily recognized DISTRESS SYMBOL. It is both acceptable and legal. Don't be giving anyone crap about that form of presentation, not in my hearing at least.]
Fifth, when you do have an official, formal flag, you do not, do NOT, do NOT let it get ragged, torn, dirty, ripped, stained, sun-bleached, or otherwise mangled in any way. The second that fluttering nylon flag on your car gets torn at the edges, or the sun beats down too hard, or -- bloody hell -- it starts to rain!? -- TAKE DOWN THE FLAG, then burn it with all due respect, and then -- if you absolutely MUST again try to convince me that you are oh-so-patriotic and country-loving, THEN you replace it. With a new flag. That does not touch the ground, that does not get left out in the dark, that does not get worn and ripped and faded --
Sixth, to continue the above thought, that does not GET RAINED ON. In inclement weather, the flag SHOULD come down UNLESS it's a flag specifically designed to shed water and be used for bad weather. The average el-cheapo nylon flag will get soaked and end up a sodden mess wrapped around the pole. This is NOT OKAY. If you can't afford the really nice weatherproof flag, or you prefer the cloth-created thwap! sound of a flag whipping in the breeze, then the instant the sky darkens, you go get that flag and bring it inside.
Seventh, the more flags you display on your cars and your house, the more likely I am to believe you're only paying lip service to the concepts ingrained in our nation's founding. The more times I see "God Bless America" and "God Bless Our Troops" the more likely I am to gather that you're all about the easy version of this country, the easy ride, the "let someone else fight but I'll support 'em" attitude. The more I see "In God We Trust" slapped all over your car's ass, the more I know you're someone who'll raise a fist high at the first sign that someone might question this country's path, but that you probably don't know jackshit about what this country is really about because that would be too HARD for you, wouldn't it, because then you might have to deal with the fact that someone's else's right to speak out is actually, woah, a frickin' RIGHT and that suggesting that "God Bless America" not be made our national motto is not, in fact, a sign that someone is a godless commie.
In fact, I got a newsflash for you.
Go ahead, follow the link. I'll wait.
*whistles for a few minutes*
Okay. Had a really good look? Since there's a chance you're a Neanderthal bozo who roots for the Cowboys, I'll even translate it for you.
FROM MANY, ONE.
And since that might be too esoteric -- that is, too non-English -- for you, I'll take it another step.
OUT OF MANY [PEOPLES], ONE [PEOPLE].
That's our great seal. That's what's on the wall behind the president, every president, when you see him give the state of the union address. It's hanging on the wall in just about every military base and post HQ I've ever stepped foot in, and I had a good fifteen years of stepping into a great many. We don't need no stinking exclusive "God Bless America!" crap, nor a resounding cry of "In God We Trust" because -- sit down for this -- from the very start this country has included people who'd prefer it be NoGod, and just as many whose beliefs leaned towards "Gods bless". The entire reason e pluribus unum is so powerful is because it bypasses all the things that make us different, that make the immigrant and the nisei and the third-generation Kentucky miner and the sixth-generation Bostonian and the fourth-generation North Dakotan farmer and the children of illegal immigrants and asylum seekers and green-card-spouses into a country that could be blessed, by any divinity of anyone's choice.
I really, truly, loathe the argument that "God Bless America" be made into the national anthem, or recognized as an official phrase, or any variant of it. I frankly think the one we've got -- no matter how hard to sing, nor how dubious and colorful its melodic history -- and the slogan/motto we've got -- no matter how *cough* esoteric it may seem to some ill-educated twits -- are both just fine. The entire point about e pluribus unum is that so many divergent peoples can become, by hook crook and general good will, a single unified nation.
Which is what really makes me grate my teeth, the hypocrisy of that argument: ever noticed how the ones crying the loudest for "God Bless America" are the same ones who insist this was a 100% Christian nation from the get-go (FYI: for those of you unfamiliar, consider this warning to don't EVEN get me started) and that we should stop messing with "the natural order" by legalizing abortion and allowing gay marriage and all these other things that would undo whatever private (and of course Christian) notion the Founding Fathers had.
Except that e pluribus unum wasn't a private, maybe-expressed notion, it was important enough to put it RIGHT THERE on the great seal, that's how important it was, and it's not like "God Bless This Country" was an unknown thing at the time. (Hello, "God Bless the Queen", anyone?) So we've got an anthem, and we've got a national motto (or about as close to it as one might wish) on the great seal, and that seal's been in place and unchanged since 1782. Right after signing the Declaration of Independence, the First Continental Congress selected a committee to come up with a national emblem. Six years later, the final design was accepted and it hasn't been messed with since.
Which means it's an Old Thing, it's something dating from Our Country's Origins -- woah, just like all these bassackwards notions some backwater inbred mouthbreathers seem to think are truths about the founding -- and if you're going to argue that A and B shouldn't change because that's against the First Dudes' intentions, then you can't also seek to ditch what was legitimately and verifiably an intention. You can't have it both ways. Accept the hard parts of e pluribus unum and I don't just mean that it's not in english you fricking twit, and then you can chant all you like about original intentionality, OR argue that as long as other things are changing that you want a shot at revising rights, too. But you can't have both.
And while you're at it, GO GET THAT FLAG. It's not just night, now, it's also drizzling. I drive past your house in another hour and see the flag's out, I may not be able to restrain myself. If you want to piss on the constitution in the privacy of your own home, if you want to portray this country as an boy's-only christians-only white-sheet-only kind of golf club amongst your friends, go right ahead. But I'm not going to sit here and tolerate it when you disrespect the flag my father, grandfather, and greatgrandfathers fought to defend.
Bloody hell.
Cripes. I've gotta make some flyers so I can just hand them out instead and walk away, or maybe attach 'em to offending flag poles or something. Either that, or blow a gasket one of these days.
Yo, neighbor, you suck.
Last night I drove past your house after sunset. Apparently you seem to think you're quite patriotic, but tonight I shall probably be arrested for spray-painting across your house, lawn, and truck that you're not patriotic but an OVERCOMPENSATING IGNORAMUS.
I could pretty much guarantee that you've never been in the armed forces, sir, despite your proud "GOD BLESS THE TROOPS" sticker on both your gas-guzzling SUV and your gas-guzzling F250, neither of which -- I couldn't help notice -- have even the remotest hint of dirt, scuff, or scratch, so why you'd need either in a suburban neighborhood with FULLY-PAVED ROADS in a state where it never freaking SNOWS is completely beyond me. Because if you had been in the military, or had anyone in your family who had, you would bloody well know YOU NEVER LET THE SUN SET ON THE AMERICAN FLAG.
Moron.
Why does it seem the people who slather every car with "God Bless America" stickers, who proclaim the loudest that burning the American flag should be against the law, OMG arrest those hippies who'd ban Independence day, who shout like all get out when someone suggests removing "under god" from the pledge," who just go livid at the notion that anyone could possibly be against 'the war' (let alone say it publicly) -- why are you ALWAYS the freaking' biggest HYPOCRITES when it comes to public shows of respect?
Okay, jackass neighbor, here's the rules.
First of all, don't let that flag touch the ground. Ever. If you do, you have desecrated it, and according to the US Flag Code, you must burn the flag. Yes! It's true! If you outlaw BURNING the damn flag, then you have REMOVED
* unless "take to the nearest VFW" or "take it to the Marine Corps" counts as alternate types of "disposal".
Second, never let the sun go down on the flag. If you want it displayed 24-7, then get a damn SPOTLIGHT -- they're real cheap, go by Lowe's and pick one up, you truck-driving gas-guzzling, useless waste of air -- and set it on that flag and when the sun goes down that light had BETTER go on or I WILL be back to kick your ass all over again.
Third, raise the flag quickly, but when you bring it down, you do so slowly. It's a sign of RESPECT.
Fourth, you don't make the flag into something that's disposable. You can make an eleven-stripe flag into drink twizzlers, or into cheap flags you fly on your car, or into a bumperstick, but a thirteen-stripe flag -- the actual, official, flag image -- should NEVER be something that's used once and discarded without second thought. If someone gives you crap about this, just tell 'em you believe in showing respect to the real thing. Or better yet, take those frickin' useless overcompensating stupid little flags OFF your oversized hatchback-killing SUV.
[In fact, while I'm on the topic, it is NOT illegal to fly the flag upside down. This is a well-known, militarily recognized DISTRESS SYMBOL. It is both acceptable and legal. Don't be giving anyone crap about that form of presentation, not in my hearing at least.]
Fifth, when you do have an official, formal flag, you do not, do NOT, do NOT let it get ragged, torn, dirty, ripped, stained, sun-bleached, or otherwise mangled in any way. The second that fluttering nylon flag on your car gets torn at the edges, or the sun beats down too hard, or -- bloody hell -- it starts to rain!? -- TAKE DOWN THE FLAG, then burn it with all due respect, and then -- if you absolutely MUST again try to convince me that you are oh-so-patriotic and country-loving, THEN you replace it. With a new flag. That does not touch the ground, that does not get left out in the dark, that does not get worn and ripped and faded --
Sixth, to continue the above thought, that does not GET RAINED ON. In inclement weather, the flag SHOULD come down UNLESS it's a flag specifically designed to shed water and be used for bad weather. The average el-cheapo nylon flag will get soaked and end up a sodden mess wrapped around the pole. This is NOT OKAY. If you can't afford the really nice weatherproof flag, or you prefer the cloth-created thwap! sound of a flag whipping in the breeze, then the instant the sky darkens, you go get that flag and bring it inside.
Seventh, the more flags you display on your cars and your house, the more likely I am to believe you're only paying lip service to the concepts ingrained in our nation's founding. The more times I see "God Bless America" and "God Bless Our Troops" the more likely I am to gather that you're all about the easy version of this country, the easy ride, the "let someone else fight but I'll support 'em" attitude. The more I see "In God We Trust" slapped all over your car's ass, the more I know you're someone who'll raise a fist high at the first sign that someone might question this country's path, but that you probably don't know jackshit about what this country is really about because that would be too HARD for you, wouldn't it, because then you might have to deal with the fact that someone's else's right to speak out is actually, woah, a frickin' RIGHT and that suggesting that "God Bless America" not be made our national motto is not, in fact, a sign that someone is a godless commie.
In fact, I got a newsflash for you.
Go ahead, follow the link. I'll wait.
*whistles for a few minutes*
Okay. Had a really good look? Since there's a chance you're a Neanderthal bozo who roots for the Cowboys, I'll even translate it for you.
FROM MANY, ONE.
And since that might be too esoteric -- that is, too non-English -- for you, I'll take it another step.
OUT OF MANY [PEOPLES], ONE [PEOPLE].
That's our great seal. That's what's on the wall behind the president, every president, when you see him give the state of the union address. It's hanging on the wall in just about every military base and post HQ I've ever stepped foot in, and I had a good fifteen years of stepping into a great many. We don't need no stinking exclusive "God Bless America!" crap, nor a resounding cry of "In God We Trust" because -- sit down for this -- from the very start this country has included people who'd prefer it be NoGod, and just as many whose beliefs leaned towards "Gods bless". The entire reason e pluribus unum is so powerful is because it bypasses all the things that make us different, that make the immigrant and the nisei and the third-generation Kentucky miner and the sixth-generation Bostonian and the fourth-generation North Dakotan farmer and the children of illegal immigrants and asylum seekers and green-card-spouses into a country that could be blessed, by any divinity of anyone's choice.
I really, truly, loathe the argument that "God Bless America" be made into the national anthem, or recognized as an official phrase, or any variant of it. I frankly think the one we've got -- no matter how hard to sing, nor how dubious and colorful its melodic history -- and the slogan/motto we've got -- no matter how *cough* esoteric it may seem to some ill-educated twits -- are both just fine. The entire point about e pluribus unum is that so many divergent peoples can become, by hook crook and general good will, a single unified nation.
Which is what really makes me grate my teeth, the hypocrisy of that argument: ever noticed how the ones crying the loudest for "God Bless America" are the same ones who insist this was a 100% Christian nation from the get-go (FYI: for those of you unfamiliar, consider this warning to don't EVEN get me started) and that we should stop messing with "the natural order" by legalizing abortion and allowing gay marriage and all these other things that would undo whatever private (and of course Christian) notion the Founding Fathers had.
Except that e pluribus unum wasn't a private, maybe-expressed notion, it was important enough to put it RIGHT THERE on the great seal, that's how important it was, and it's not like "God Bless This Country" was an unknown thing at the time. (Hello, "God Bless the Queen", anyone?) So we've got an anthem, and we've got a national motto (or about as close to it as one might wish) on the great seal, and that seal's been in place and unchanged since 1782. Right after signing the Declaration of Independence, the First Continental Congress selected a committee to come up with a national emblem. Six years later, the final design was accepted and it hasn't been messed with since.
Which means it's an Old Thing, it's something dating from Our Country's Origins -- woah, just like all these bassackwards notions some backwater inbred mouthbreathers seem to think are truths about the founding -- and if you're going to argue that A and B shouldn't change because that's against the First Dudes' intentions, then you can't also seek to ditch what was legitimately and verifiably an intention. You can't have it both ways. Accept the hard parts of e pluribus unum and I don't just mean that it's not in english you fricking twit, and then you can chant all you like about original intentionality, OR argue that as long as other things are changing that you want a shot at revising rights, too. But you can't have both.
And while you're at it, GO GET THAT FLAG. It's not just night, now, it's also drizzling. I drive past your house in another hour and see the flag's out, I may not be able to restrain myself. If you want to piss on the constitution in the privacy of your own home, if you want to portray this country as an boy's-only christians-only white-sheet-only kind of golf club amongst your friends, go right ahead. But I'm not going to sit here and tolerate it when you disrespect the flag my father, grandfather, and greatgrandfathers fought to defend.
Bloody hell.
Cripes. I've gotta make some flyers so I can just hand them out instead and walk away, or maybe attach 'em to offending flag poles or something. Either that, or blow a gasket one of these days.