watch this.

[kaigou]

Only online for free watching for a short period (don't know how long), but worth every minute of the thirty or so minutes:

East of Main Street: Asians Aloud

Comments

[nnayram.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing, it was awesome!

[kaigou]

Yeah. I'm not sure whether my favorite part was the exchange of the ID for underage drinking (those two guys were hysterical) or the woman who commented that she'd never expected her 'Rosie the Riveter' moment to be thanks to her chest-size. An excellent gathering of voices, over all, though.

[leorising]

Yeah, that was really good, and I'm really glad I got the chance to see it while it was still up.

Here's what I think, though, and it's the main reason I've been staying out of your discussions on race:

I am, and always will be, a white girl. Born white, raised white. I will always be a member of the privileged elite class, simply because of the color of my skin.

It doesn't matter that I was raised with hard times, it doesn't matter that my mother's family has African as well as Swedish bloodlines in it. It doesn't matter that I've been subjected to violence, both sexual and non-. It doesn't matter that I've been a smart woman who's been repeatedly slammed by a patriarchal system that despises smart women.

I will never, ever, ever be able to have a "legitimate" opinion on race. I cannot speak to the problems of race. I am the forever outsider. I am in the race that the other races legitimately blame all of their problems on. It's emblazoned permanently, right here, on my outer covering.

Oh, absolutely, I've had more than my share of ignorance; I grew up in a town that took pride in calling itself "Lily-White Warren." I've learned of my mistaken assumptions the VERY hard way, some of it in college, some of it as I've made stupid mistakes over the course of the last 50 years.

I'm the stupid white woman who asks, "What flavor of Asian are you?" I'm the insensitive white broad who says, "No, I don't really care what flavor of Asian you are." I am criticized if I try to get to know the individual in context of their visible racial attributes (and the experiences that go with that appearance,) and criticized if I don't.

There is no "right" opinion for me to have about race. I read about race, I puzzle about race, I read posts like yours and I watch videos like the one you just recommended. I know I don't want to be a racist but I also know that I was raised by stupid white racists and that stupid white racism will always be my instictive, knee-jerk, millisecond-long, first reaction.

All my good intentions in the world will never make me not-white, not in my eyes, and not in the eyes of others.

I admire that you're able to discuss this honestly, and with a true openness. I can too, but in truth I just don't want to try any more. Because inevitably someone will come along and say, "You don't get to say that, you don't get to have that opinion, because you're fucking white."

That's it. I'll keep reading your posts, I think they're very interesting. But I can't contribute any more than this.

[kaigou]

Dude! It's okay. You are NOT being graded on this. (At least not by me.) And I don't mind being the one who'll get it for opening my mouth. I've accepted that's my life's role, and it doesn't bother me anymore, because silence (to me, for me) is a far worse fate than ignorance.

And there's no discussion needed in this instance, hell, in many instances, because my kneejerk reaction to "discussion" is that one must come to (or is expected to come to) some kind of a stasis at the end, some kind of conclusion. Not only do I think that rather wrongheaded -- who am I to judge? -- but also rather short-sighted, because that would mean I've got all the facts, as it were, to be able to deliver some kind of verdict on a topic. I suspect you've been reading me long enough to know that verdicts, to me, are anathema: every answer raises four more questions, and it's all on-going. So to frame anything as a "discussion" as though at the end we could all say, "ah, now we are educated!" ... that, I would say, is not what I want, at all. Because like you, I'll never be in a place (will anyone, truly?) where I could say, "ahah, now I have solved the mystery of the ages, or at least of the races!" at the end of a discussion.

In some ways, posting such a video isn't to prompt discussion but to extend awareness: to be reminded through such interviews that the anger or frustration or annoyance or even amusement expressed by each person... that I've said and done stuff that was probably something that caused one (or more) of those reactions. Seeing such interviews puts me squarely back in place, smacks me in the forehead with the reminder that I can't just gloss along, but need to remember that my assumptions -- based in gender, culture, race, ethnicity, etc of privilege -- can hurt and bother people. It reminds me by pointing out that people are human, so it's a very non-confrontational way to get that across, which I think is a powerful and useful thing.

I'm the stupid white woman who asks, "What flavor of Asian are you?" I'm the insensitive white broad who says, "No, I don't really care what flavor of Asian you are." I am criticized if I try to get to know the individual in context of their visible racial attributes (and the experiences that go with that appearance,) and criticized if I don't.

I must suppose something in the video hit a nerve for you, because your words come across as defensive -- a tone I've rarely seen from you -- as though my posting is calling you on the mat for not doing or thinking or being more. It's not, none of my posts are. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing, and explain why I am, and probably screw up along the way, but I refuse to play the damned-either-way game. It's beneath me. It's beneath you, too.

I do believe it is possible to have some 'right' (or at least ethical) opinion about race: that it should be respected, acknowledged as part of a person (instead of 'oh, I'm colourblind!'), that it does have impact on lives and we shouldn't ignore that any more than we'd ignore a friend's gender or age or education. We acknowledge those parts, respect them the dignity they deserve, and even celebrate them at times. And when we struggle with that, it doesn't mean we can't have an 'opinion' about race -- or maybe it's that 'opinion' is entirely the wrong word and thus the wrong approach. Perhaps the key is that we need to keep working at achieving a right attitude.

[leorising]

Heh, I confess to being rather beaten down by the topic. If I am defensive, it's not about you! It's about the many times I've had conversations about race with people who are differently-colored than I am. With very few exceptions, I have always been the object of eyerolls and "You just don't get it." Nope. I don't get it. I can't get it. I can at least try for some empathy, though, even when that is judged as "not good enough."

That's what I get defensive about.

I think it's analogous, strangely enough, to the feeling a lot of men must have in these still-struggling days of feminism. The ones who don't give a crap about how women are treated are not affected by the topic, and brush it off with a, "Yeah yeah yeah, you're being oversensitive." The men who really do give a shit how their mothers and sisters and daughters are treated are told to sit down, shut up, they are part of the problem. "Be quiet and we will educate you. Shhhhh! No, you can't speak up now. Tssst! Not now either!" (Not saying you or I are like that, but we know a lot of "wymmin" in feminist studies who are, don't we?)

So I've gotten used to sitting down and shutting up, and letting myself be educated about race. I don't mind, but I like to discuss stuff in class, LOL! Student feedback in this "classroom" is generally unwelcome.

Am I defensive? Yeah, I guess, huh? (*laughs*) But it's not aimed at you. I value that you're willing to keep reminding us that we are not living in a "post-racial" world, just we are not yet living in a "post-feminism" world, either. I truly believe it's important to have these reminders; as you say, a smack on the head to remind me to listen up. As I said before, I value that.

I suppose I could be happy that I live in an age where such education is possible, as opposed to previous times when such education would be seen as immoral, unethical, irreligious or even unscientific. Somehow, though, I'm just left with a longing to be friends with anyone I want to be friends with, regardless of what my parents did to their parents. To learn about their cultures, and have them learn about mine (and how it is different from what they see on TV.) It doesn't work that way, I know, not the least because of the evils of institutionalized "-isms", which apparently take many generations to change. It's the loneliness of the (seemingly permanent) cultural divide that gets to me, I guess. All my best intentions or cross-cultural study or even language study will not be able to bridge that gap, it seems.

I'm not sure how to not play the "damned-either-way" game, since I'm not making the rules. Of couse, I have my own ethical standards, otherwise (as I pointed out earlier) I wouldn't give a damn about the topic at all. And, like you, I can speak up when called for. When I encountered a young black girl berating an older Asian woman at a bus stop, I told her to quit it, how would she like it? When I visited my friend from work in the Oakland projects, I didn't panic-like-a-white-girl when I found two young black men draped over my new car. Instead, I told them who I was visiting -- she was "Moms" to a great many of those young people -- and invited them to enjoy my new-car-ness with me. They expected me to be frightened, and I think I pleasantly surprised them when I was friendly and open with them.

And then there's the whole fiasco with my college roommate, long ago, and the very emo evening I had after she straightened my white ass out on certain matters. I don't even want to go there...

By all of which I mean to say that I really insist to myself that I treat everyone as people first, Americans second, races somewhere below that. If that's what you're calling a right attitude, then I think I'm there. In fact, perhaps that is the best that I can achieve, being white and all.

Sorry if this is kind of rambly, my theses tend to be these days (cognition problems, you know.) Am I defensive on the topic of race? Yes. Do I expect the circumstances that put me on edge about race to clear up in my lifetime? Nope. I'll just hang in there, shut up and let myself be educated, and try to do and say the right thing. Will I continue with my semi-existential sadness that "we all just can't get along"? Yeah.

That's all I've got. Thanks for your thoughtful reply.