the bastard strikes again.

[kaigou]

Yesterday when I was at the market, I realized I'd forgotten the single most important reason to NEVER LEAVE THE FREAKING HOUSE (at least for the month of December): the goddamn christmas songs everywhere.

Okay, some songs aren't entirely christmas songs, but they fit the mood, like in the aisles at the locally-owned (since 1897! it trumpets) hardware store and hearing Billie Holiday singing I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm. I could do without ever hearing The Little Drummer Boy ever again for the rest of my life (if only I could be so lucky) and no I don't care who covered it, I still hate that damn song. Most hymns I can let go in one ear and out the other, although I do find it somewhat disturbing, to this day, that Little Town of Bethlehem is in a minor key with some pretty depressing modulations in there; even as a child I had the impression that the song was saying the entire event was going to go south and fast, possibly with multiple deaths and some foreboding hints at a sequel.

So I'm gritting my teeth while I'm searching for the sweet potato chips CP likes, and doing a passable version of keeping my internal conversation loud enough to drown out the worst of the auditory pap -- until I get to the check-out counter. The girl is ringing me up, and I'm just standing there, card in hand waiting for my turn in the dance, when I realize the song playing overhead and wishing I had the ability to throw a curse back through time to whomever though such unadulterated tripe would make for a great holiday song, and then suddenly -- for what might even be the first time ever -- I don't listen to what the song means. I just listen to what it says.

I ask the clerk, do you hear that?

Clerk: what?
Me: the song. The song that's playing.
Clerk: Uhm. Yeah. *confused but pleasant* What about it?
Me: the words. What they're actually saying *points to ceiling-speakers*
Song: Where nothing ever grows / No rain nor rivers flow / Do they know it's Christmastime at all?
Clerk: Uhm.
Me: My god, that is the most freaking xenocentric, ego-freaking-tistical, culturally-biased goddamn line and I've been hearing this song for how many years now and I only just realized it? Who wrote this crap!?
Clerk: *stops ringing stuff up, totally distracted* I think it was a bunch of people.
Me: A bunch of freaking morons, you mean. Come on! *points to ceiling-speakers, listens to refrain* So basically the message is that everyone's miserable but if they just knew it's Christmas that they'd be happy, or something?
Clerk: It's supposed to be a christmas song.
Me: Yeah, but we're assuming the people they're singing about actually care whether or not it's christmas. If they're not christian, then the answer is probably, gee, not freaking much.
Clerk: *not even trying to keep track of ringing stuff up*
Me: Okay, honestly, Chunyun is way better.
Clerk: *stares* What? *mumbles* I don't know what that is...
Me: Chunyun! *manages to keep straight face* No way! Chunyun! What kind of heathen are you?
Clerk: Uhm.
Me: Four out of every five persons on this entire planet celebrate Chunyun! It's the biggest holiday! It's when you're with loved ones, celebrating, giving gifts, spending time together after not seeing them--
Clerk: *tries to smile* Uhm, it's Christmas?
Me: *cracks* Actually, it's New Year's. Chinese New Year's. But man, see, when January 18th or whatever rolls around, you could be happy but you'll be miserable because you don't even realize it's Chunyun! You'll be lucky to make it through the night alive, you'll be wretched and pathetic, but noooo, if only you knew it's Chunyun!
Hispanic guy behind me in line: February 14th.
Me: Hunh?
Clerk: Valentine's Day?
Guy: Chinese New Year's. It's February 14th.
Me: Whoops. Okay! Miserable on Valentine's day, how's that for irony.
Clerk: How do you know when New Year's is?
Guy: Because my wife is Chinese... *grin* And we always celebrate Chunyun.
Me: AHAH. I rest my case.

I still hate that song, but at least I feel better now that I have a rant practiced and ready for smoother repetition the next time I have to hear it while in line. Or maybe this year I'll finally wise up and have my iPod with me, with headphones, and just tune out the entire listening experience. Who knows what else might set me off...

Comments

[opheliastorn.livejournal.com]

Or can become them, with little encouragement.

[kaigou]

One thing for the standard chord progression on most hymns: it makes them really really easy to filk. Then again, a huge number of hymns were originally filk themselves (in a sense), taking a popular tune and making it religious. I seem to recall reading about a minor controversy with a printing of the Anglican hymnal -- like mid-1800s printing, that is -- in which a number of much-loved and popular tunes were contested on the grounds of having had secular (and particularly bawdy-secular) origins and thus being 'unfit' as proper church hymns. I know there are at least two classic hymns that have alternate music as a result, where new music was written to accompany the words, to get around the use of the secular tune.

The names escape me now, but I guess we can chalk up even knowing this as thanks to having a mom who sang in the choir and has a mind for trivia that rivals my own. Plus in the Episcopalian hymnals it usually lists who wrote the music, who wrote the words, and who did the arrangement -- and I recall sometimes seeing some kind of standardized note after "music:" that implied it was a popular tune. For a few, it even specifically notes the original music was for a drinking song!

A'course, as a child, this left me with the most peculiar impression of what, exactly, constituted a drinking song. It didn't help when my mom made some off-hand comment about the Beatles' 'Hey Jude' being a drinking song, one that works best if you all hold hands together in the air and wave them back and forth slowly while singing along with the music. Uhm. I had a vivid enough imagination as a child, and getting only parts of the picture meant I filled in the rest in some rather creative ways. Believe me, it certainly changed my perspective on singing hymns in church, though at least my parents weren't the kind to get mad if you giggled all the way through a song, as long as you were somewhat quiet about it.