hunka hunka burning love... kind of.

[kaigou]

A series of thoughts I've been turning over in my head while I scrape popcorn from the ceiling, tear down the ugly ceiling beams, cover the paneling with drywall, plaster and prime and paint, and so on: it keeps the hands busy and frees the brain to ponder at length. Okay, pondering has reached maximum capacity and now I am at point of please to be getting additional inputting.

Here's the premise: you've met someone, and are solidly falling-in-love -- whether that be a love-at-first-sight or gradual drift from friends into something deeper. You might safely say that this person is "the one" for you; the first flush of lust/infatuation has become the brink of something longer-term.

Alrighty, now let's say someone you trust -- or at minimum has authority satisfactory enough to you -- explains that you are not, in fact, in love, and your experience/emotions are due to A) a magical spell, B) a drug/medicine, or C) due to tagging an ineffable instinctual landmine. (The last being inescapable/unstoppable akin to non-autonomous functions like heart-beat and breathing; I leave it open to your interpretation whether the landmine could have been avoided in the first place.) Those are the three options for externalities, with me so far?

What do you think would be the one aspect of your relationship that:

1a. Would prove to you that your relationship would continue -- as true love (forgive the romanticism but what else to call it?) -- even if A/B/C were removed from the equation?

1b. Could not be duplicated/mimicked by A/B/C and therefore by its existence indicates your love is real?

(I break those out because A/B/C may only inculcate but without damaging upon withdrawal: much like potting soil may boost a seed's preliminary growth but that at some stage the plant could survive on sun, water, soil without additional fertilizers.)

2a. Would the means make any difference in your reaction -- that is, whether the in-love is thanks to magical whammy, misfired neurons, or survival instinct gone haywire?

2b. Which of the three would be most offensive as a means of manipulation (or is it all-the-same)?

2c. Which would you consider most easily forgiven? (eg, "I can accept drugs but if you magic on me, that's way worse".)

3a. Would it make any difference if your in-love state were caused by a specific person's actions (as opposed to honest mistake/accident like tripping a long-dormant spell or drinking the wrong medicine)?

3b. Which would be worse: to learn it was purposeful, or that it was purely accidental?

4a. If you knew it was purposeful but didn't know the perpetrator's identity would not-knowing be better (or worse)*?

4b. Would you try to find out the perpetrator's identity, anyway?

4c. What if the perpetrator were the person you'd fallen in love with?

As an addendum to that last one, I find myself applying #1 and #2 specifically to the situation upon learning the falling-in-love was due to artificial causes. Would even determining that it's 'true love' be irrelevant, due to considering such acts/intentions completely unforgivable?


* the 'better or worse' idea could be applied to your sense of integrity, or to your faith/trust in the relationship... it could be that not-knowing assuages your sense of autonomy yet also causes you to doubt whether this person is really the one for you.

Comments

[foodanimechicki.livejournal.com]

1a. Would prove to you that your relationship would continue -- as true love (forgive the romanticism but what else to call it?) -- even if A/B/C were removed from the equation? Now I can totally be misinterpreting the question all-together, but I think compatibility would, for the most part, prove that the “true love” could continue. And when I say compatibility, I’m thinking more along the lines of do they share common interests? Are there points where there is disagreement? It is impossible (at least when I tried it) to have a good relationship with somebody exactly like you. There is a definite need to have something to disagree on, if only because it will make things you DO agree on that much better. “True Love” may not be as strong, in fact it may be that fledgling “first flush of lust/infatuation” all over again, but there is definitely a base to work on instead of A/B/C.

1b. Could not be duplicated/mimicked by A/B/C and therefore by its existence indicates your love is real? This may be akin to C, but I know that when I look at my man, even after three years together, I still get that little hitch in my heartbeat. Obviously I’m not under a spell, and I don’t take drugs/medicine except for a headache ^_^ but I’m not sure how else to explain what I want to say…=(

2a. Would the means make any difference in your reaction -- that is, whether the in-love is thanks to magical whammy, misfired neurons, or survival instinct gone haywire? I don’t believe it would. I don’t think I’d be very happy knowing that somebody tinkered with my emotions, and I’d probably be in denial for a bit. But emotions are a hard thing to control, and if I’ve felt a certain way about somebody, even under an influence, I don’t think I’d be able to change the way I thought about them.

2b. Which of the three would be most offensive as a means of manipulation (or is it all-the-same)? This is all the same to me. Manipulation is manipulation, whether it be chemical, magical, or physical.

2c. Which would you consider most easily forgiven? (eg, "I can accept drugs but if you magic on me, that's way worse".) Hmmm….I don’t think any one is easier to forgive than the other. Like my answer to 2b., manipulation is manipulation no matter which way you spin it.

3a. Would it make any difference if your in-love state were caused by a specific person's actions (as opposed to honest mistake/accident like tripping a long-dormant spell or drinking the wrong medicine)? No, because it happened. Knowing which one it is is inconsequential when it comes to making a difference.

3b. Which would be worse: to learn it was purposeful, or that it was purely accidental? I think that it being purposeful would be worse, IMO. It means that somebody is manipulating me at their will, instead of fate deciding (for lack of a better term).

4a. If you knew it was purposeful but didn't know the perpetrator's identity would not-knowing be better (or worse)*? It would be worse. Kind of like going to surgery without seeing who the doctor is.

4b. Would you try to find out the perpetrator's identity, anyway? Yes, because if someone has their hand in my life, I’d want to know who it is.

4c. What if the perpetrator were the person you'd fallen in love with? This is the only thing that would make a difference with the “True Love” feeling. Knowing that he had manipulated my feelings unnaturally without my consent would fizzle any feelings I had.

As an addendum to that last one (edited to fit in comment window :-P) completely unforgivable? I don’t think “True Love” could survive after this…it’s such a huge violation of trust that it would eat away at any emotions that could naturally appear, and there will always be a thought in the background, “are these MY feelings, or is it something else?”

On a side note: I hope that the popcorn scraping is going well!

[askerian]

Do I still find the person's sense of humor appealing? If I examine their beliefs objectively, is there nothing that makes me gag? I'd reexamine the relationship and whether the other person lied to me or presented themselves as better than they really are, for sure, and I'd be damn paranoid for a while. XD The big one is -- was it deliberate on the part of the person I now love? Are they trying to manipulate me into something via my feelings?

Magical spells and drugs given by lover-person would give me the creeps and I wouldn't feel it's coming from love but from obsession and desire to own me, and fuck that noise. It would bring to mind very strong date-rape associations, I think, except worse in a way because the person made my own mind and feelings betray me. Even if I still FELT I was in love with that person I would reject those feelings violently and refuse to act on them, probably go out of my way to cut off all contact at least until I can get my bearings again.

Instincts, now, those are more likely a part of me, just a deeper one than conscious thought, and there must be something in that person that made my deeper self need them this much, so I'd at least think on it more neutrally/positively.

If someone else was the guilty party I would probably put the lovey-dovey stuff on hold until I can find them and understand their motives. If they did this to me, there must have been a reason. Being in love might feel nice, but what if it's a trap of some kind.

If it was to manipulate me into something -- fuck that noise. I'd get away. If the person I love was a victim too, I'd want to stick close to them, but I still wouldn't want a real relationship before we deal with the issues of the feeling not having come naturally.

If... I don't know, the perpetrator wanted their friend to be happy, I'd still want to be with lover-person but there would be serious levels of "it's him/her or me" or if the guilty party is a hapless idiot then "see them if you must but don't even remind me they exists" for a long while. I'd forgive idiocy a long time before "I KNOW you'll thank me later." I could be able to continue having a relationship.

Spell or drugs, I'd be angry regardless, because it's taking away part of my free will. It depends how permanent it would be, too. You can argue that falling in love is a matter of hormones but at least the infatuation eventually fades and the relationship can continue or not on its own merits. Craving someone's presence for the rest of my life or being prevented from entertaining thoughts of other people would make me resentful. The only way to lessen that would be if the person actually is a good match, but even then there would be lots of doubts and psychoanalyzing the relationship at first.

I'd have a lot less problems with a dormant instinctive reaction, because there would be a sense of "we match on a deeper level than superficial personality." Though I'd have a problem if we match deep down but his personality gets on my nerves/his conscious beliefs are abhorrent/he's some kind of "nice guy"/he thinks that means ownership and has no respect for me. In that case I'd rather live my life alone and lonely than with him.

[askerian]

... Why did I reply to you. Gah. Sorry XD;;

[foodanimechicki.livejournal.com]

^_^ No prob! =P lol!