Did I miss something?
15 Apr 2008 04:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaigouI had to. I had to have missed something. Like, maybe a new world order or something:
I can ignore -- with only minor wincing -- the wordy awkwardness. That's the sort of thing that even damn good authors sometimes need a damn good editor to catch, and while I'm sure the editors at an ebooks publisher do work hard, there is a reason they're not working for Tor. Okay. But.
High-heeled pumps.
On a motorcycle.
Has this author never attempted to actually, oh, RIDE a freaking motorcycle? Does the author have no clue as to the fact that one's feet are busy DOING things while riding, like, say, using one's TOES to shift up/down? You might as freaking well go barefoot, and while I know some twits will ride in flip-flops, that's a far sight from a shoe that CURVES YOUR ARCH -- which means your foot, calf, and thigh are going to angled rather peculiarly to be able to shift. It just does not compute, though I imagine it could be done, it seems pretty stupid.
Which gets me to the stupidest point of all: HAS ANYONE HERE EVER RIDDEN A MOTORCYCLE IN A SHORT SKIRT?
I have, and it wasn't even black leather (which doesn't really stretch). I was, in fact, wearing a short stretch skirt, AND I was on a BMW -- not a wide-seater like a big ol' Harley -- AND the body-lean/peg-position kept my knees up higher and legs together closer than the stretch you need as the main rider. And despite wearing tight, stretchable fabric, I still ended up with that damn skirt at the tops of my thighs for most of the ride home. If you're going to straddle something, a skirt DOES NOT WORK.
Need I add, oh maybe I do for the non-riders like, say, the AUTHOR of this abrupt departure from reality, that you cannot straddle closely, as the main rider, as I could when pillion. There's this little difficulty called AN ENGINE, and the inevitably attached EXHAUST PIPES.
Tell you what, Ms. Otherwise-Okay-But-Seriously-Annoying-My-Technical-Side Author, next time you go driving your car for a good fifteen minutes, stop the car and get out. Open the hood. THEN LAY YOUR BARE FREAKING LEG OVER THE TRANSMISSION.
Yeeeeaahhh, I bet that feels REAL good, don't it.
Once you've recovered from the second-degree burns, then warm the car up again, and this time, when you get out, go to the back of the car. Lay down and prop your legs up so your calf presses good and tight up against the exhaust system.
Oh, yeah, FEEL THE GODDAMN BURN, author.
Wearing a helmet when you're otherwise wearing pretty much NOTHING is sort of like heading naked into a burning building with a wet towel on your head. So you might cut back on the risks of smoke inhalation, but the rest of you is going to be one crispy author.
The author'd better hope she never meets me at any sort of a public gathering. I just might drag her ass out into the parking lot, rip off her jeans, and strap her to CP's big honking Harley, and pin her legs to the engine chassis until she screams. She might hate me for it, but at least I'd get some enjoyment out of the day.
More than I'm getting from that paragraph's visual, certainly.
After completing the conversation [about the planned sting operation], Liza changed into a short, black leather skirt and a peek-a-boo lace top. On a whim, she ... picked out high-heeled black pumps to complete her outfit. She left her satchel at home, taking only her keys and some money in her pocket before mounting her bike. ... The spring day was mild; the evening fog wouldn’t roll in for another hour or two. Her motorcycle’s engine hummed pleasantly between her bare legs... Though she wore a helmet, the sense of freedom and control made her feel strong, powerful.
I can ignore -- with only minor wincing -- the wordy awkwardness. That's the sort of thing that even damn good authors sometimes need a damn good editor to catch, and while I'm sure the editors at an ebooks publisher do work hard, there is a reason they're not working for Tor. Okay. But.
High-heeled pumps.
On a motorcycle.
Has this author never attempted to actually, oh, RIDE a freaking motorcycle? Does the author have no clue as to the fact that one's feet are busy DOING things while riding, like, say, using one's TOES to shift up/down? You might as freaking well go barefoot, and while I know some twits will ride in flip-flops, that's a far sight from a shoe that CURVES YOUR ARCH -- which means your foot, calf, and thigh are going to angled rather peculiarly to be able to shift. It just does not compute, though I imagine it could be done, it seems pretty stupid.
Which gets me to the stupidest point of all: HAS ANYONE HERE EVER RIDDEN A MOTORCYCLE IN A SHORT SKIRT?
I have, and it wasn't even black leather (which doesn't really stretch). I was, in fact, wearing a short stretch skirt, AND I was on a BMW -- not a wide-seater like a big ol' Harley -- AND the body-lean/peg-position kept my knees up higher and legs together closer than the stretch you need as the main rider. And despite wearing tight, stretchable fabric, I still ended up with that damn skirt at the tops of my thighs for most of the ride home. If you're going to straddle something, a skirt DOES NOT WORK.
Need I add, oh maybe I do for the non-riders like, say, the AUTHOR of this abrupt departure from reality, that you cannot straddle closely, as the main rider, as I could when pillion. There's this little difficulty called AN ENGINE, and the inevitably attached EXHAUST PIPES.
Tell you what, Ms. Otherwise-Okay-But-Seriously-Annoying-My-Technical-Side Author, next time you go driving your car for a good fifteen minutes, stop the car and get out. Open the hood. THEN LAY YOUR BARE FREAKING LEG OVER THE TRANSMISSION.
Yeeeeaahhh, I bet that feels REAL good, don't it.
Once you've recovered from the second-degree burns, then warm the car up again, and this time, when you get out, go to the back of the car. Lay down and prop your legs up so your calf presses good and tight up against the exhaust system.
Oh, yeah, FEEL THE GODDAMN BURN, author.
Wearing a helmet when you're otherwise wearing pretty much NOTHING is sort of like heading naked into a burning building with a wet towel on your head. So you might cut back on the risks of smoke inhalation, but the rest of you is going to be one crispy author.
The author'd better hope she never meets me at any sort of a public gathering. I just might drag her ass out into the parking lot, rip off her jeans, and strap her to CP's big honking Harley, and pin her legs to the engine chassis until she screams. She might hate me for it, but at least I'd get some enjoyment out of the day.
More than I'm getting from that paragraph's visual, certainly.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 09:24 am (UTC)*reads again*
*laughs some more*
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 06:51 pm (UTC)[see also, CP's response, below...hah.]
no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 09:26 am (UTC)On a motorcycle.
Just no...
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 06:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 10:08 am (UTC)If $PROTAG was riding in a sidecar, with her
sex dwarfrobotelf to do the driving.(Snort.)
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 06:53 pm (UTC)Actually, when describing this to the Harley-rider in the house, the response was, "you're back to reading fantasy, I see."
no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 10:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 06:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 10:50 am (UTC)Your snarking has made my morning a happy one. :)
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 02:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 10:54 am (UTC)I have ridden a motorbike in a short shirt and high heels, but only pillion, and even then the guys had something to look at. :) I got me some more suitable clothing after the first time.
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 06:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 11:04 am (UTC)I also don't have much technical knowledge, but my eyebrows flew up at the mention of a short skirt. Yeah, right.
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 06:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 11:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 06:58 pm (UTC)I think the author's seen one too many chick-movies.
Dream on....
Date: 15 Apr 2008 12:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 06:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 12:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 06:59 pm (UTC)It's all the rage right now in fantasy-land, I hear.
no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 01:13 pm (UTC)*snorts* Actually, what really makes me cringe about that passage is the Sue vibes--the "Look at how hawt and sexy-powerful I am, that I can ride a motorcycle in high heels and bare legs!" ones.
Yeesh.
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:01 pm (UTC)Then, again, would it be less Sue vibes if she were in black slinky leather from head to toe? It might at least knock off the "stupid rider fashion" complaint (because leather is a damn good riding protection) but as for the rest..?
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 01:43 pm (UTC)...as long as I as the driver have one hand free to reach behind me.
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 02:06 pm (UTC)*sigh*
That's what you get when authors don't do research...
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:03 pm (UTC)Not!
no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 02:39 pm (UTC)As for the miniskirt... methinks the Author has been looking at too many motorcycle ads. Heck, the whole outfit sounds like one of those pictures of those so-called biker babes who've never actually taken one of those bikes out on the road and couldn't lift one that had fallen over if their lives depended on it.
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 03:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:05 pm (UTC)Still... miniskirt. On a bike. *headdesk*
no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 03:43 pm (UTC)And on top of that, you're so totally right.
Di
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:06 pm (UTC)hehehehe.
no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 03:44 pm (UTC)Oh, and your snark is SUCH a beautiful thing!!
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:06 pm (UTC)*heads off to find new sources of snarkisiciousness*
no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 03:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 04:20 pm (UTC)Peekaboo lace top. No Pocket.
Leather mini. Pocket? Better be zip or button-up.
Jacket pocket? No Jacket mentioned.
High-heeled shoe pocket?
Portable pocket Dimension?
Maybe there's a pocket in your leathery, unfeeling, heat-proof thighs?
Tuck your money and keys into your bra, semi-naked lady.
no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 05:21 pm (UTC)Which made the whole outfit on a motorcycle even funnier.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 04:59 pm (UTC)People with glareing issues...need a boot to the head and then some =_= I like how before even reading the rest of the post..just that snippet of story..I knew just what you where gonna cover. I R SMRT Also yes...WHAT MOTHER FUCKING POCKET?!?! Cause the only place I can think of is A. Totally not kosher and B.I wouldn't take that money after its been there.
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)As for where to keep money/ID: hahahahahaha. Totally not kosher -- I shall refrain from snark about FISH. Bwahaha.
no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:12 pm (UTC)Yeah, that's really counting as research, dear author. Just because you saw it in a movie don't make it necessarily so.
no subject
Date: 15 Apr 2008 08:14 pm (UTC)But at least it wasn't a skirt!
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:14 pm (UTC)However, astronaut's wife hair just made my day. I am stealing that!
no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 06:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 16 Apr 2008 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 19 Apr 2008 04:29 am (UTC)I needed to clarify that no where did I accuse Bucue of racism, nor did I mean to imply it in my comment. I was more disturbed by the rough stereotype used, and that did leave a bitter taste in my mouth. Unfortunately, his doses of sarcasm (and I have dealt with him in the past) are often misplaced, inappropriate, or misdirected. I just needed to explain where I'm coming from.
no subject
Date: 19 Apr 2008 04:47 am (UTC)Most of the time I just don't reply to his posts, to tell the truth, because I don't have the time or energy or inclination to puzzle out whether his sarcasm is teasing/affectionate or if he really is that much of a limited thinker. I mean, really, bless his heart, but sometimes his attempts at nuance are as clunky as day-old porridge.
Give it a day or two, and see where things are. Dunno, honestly, but when I don't see a co-mod posting within a few minutes of a bucue-classic, I figure it's a good time to find other places to play. If I can take Bucue with limited pleasantries the rest of the time, Bucue without supervision is a Bucue who puts my finger squarely on the "okay, now I'm going to tell him exactly what I think" button, and that always ends in tears. Not mine, of course, but hey, even we bastards can have some small compassion for the little people.
Heh.