OMG CRACK. TOTAL CRACK.

[kaigou]

I never would've known this had raletha not posted something about the Zeonic translations. A former head writer for the Wing series is doing a novelized 22-yrs-later continuation of Gundam Wing. I can't believe I thought for even a split-second that it'd make any sense, seeing how this is the franchise that released not one, not two, but three alternate-versions to explain the absolutely mind-boggling nonsensical leap between the end of the series and the OVA. And none of those in-between stories make any sense, which shouldn't be a surprise, seeing how neither does the OVA.

(Characterization? Consistency? We know not what those words mean. NOR DO WE CARE.)

Regardless, I followed the links and ended up on the (soon to be defunct) Zeonic site, where Deac apparently put out a call not long ago for editorial assistance. Novelization, much easier for me than dealing with manga scanlations; issues of voice and pacing, ah, that's in my realm; conflict and summary, doable after reading. Hmm. Then I reminded myself: self, you need another project like you need a FREAKING HOLE IN YOUR HEAD.

And then I went and read the summary of the general premise and character listings and where-are-they-now, via the Gundam wiki, and... wow. I like Deac, and Deac's team does good work for the Gundam world. But I'm afraid there's no way I could ever edit a series for which I can't even keep a straight face. I mean, really. No, REALLY.

Or to quote Raletha's much more succinct critique: it smacks of a fifteen year old fangirl's fifty chapter mpreg, Gundam Babies: The Next Generation.

There's crack, and then there's freaking crack, and I think Katsuyuki Sumisawa's Frozen Teardrop looks like it's going to hit a scale of freaking crack that we don't yet have the scientific means to measure. And once he's done, the fangirls and fanboys will descend upon it and add in all the smut that couldn't make it into a family magazine, the world will summarily implode for the sheer gravitational pull of so much crack in a single franchise.

Comments

[taithe]

I've been keeping up with Frozen Teardrop ever since rumors came out about its serialization. I don't think any amount of editing will overcome the vertigo associated with this kind of crack. Sumisawa tries to add a plot twist or ten in every chapter and likes to have numerous characters with names that all sound remarkably similar (Cathy, Catherine, Quaterine, etc.). It's amazing anyone's bothering to translate it at all.

One the plus side, there's already plenty of Japanese fanart. I was wondering why people were shipping female!Quatre and Relena, why Heero showed up often in a nun's habit, and why Duo suddenly became moody and shota but apparently it all leads back to FT. God bless fangirls.

There's a new GW manga out too which tries to tie in Frozen Teardrop, Endless Waltz, Episode Zero, and the series all together. Not sure if they're going to incorporate other manga like Blind Target into the mix. So far it's remarkably coherent if not fast paced.

[kaigou]

I don't think any amount of editing will overcome the vertigo associated with this kind of crack. Sumisawa tries to add a plot twist or ten in every chapter and likes to have numerous characters with names that all sound remarkably similar...

Fifteen year-old fangirl, fifteen year-old fangirl. Does Sumisawa have a daughter who's ghost-writing this?

Honestly, just reading the basic summary and premise makes me think that Sumisawa (or his daughter) totally overdosed on fanfic.net GW stories, and then woke up after a bad bout of stomach flu and in a fit of semi-hallucinatory delusion, decided he (she) could TOP ALL THAT, and do the epic to end all freaking epics. With cliffies! And mid-story A/N! There's simply no other way to explain it.

Actually, my entire reaction might be summed up as, "Sumisawa, please. Leave this fanfic stuff to the professionals. KTHXBAI."

[windsorblue]

Oh lordy, I tried to read the first couple of chapters, but.

Or to quote Raletha's much more succinct critique: it smacks of a fifteen year old fangirl's fifty chapter mpreg, Gundam Babies: The Next Generation.

Now that you guys mention it, yeah, that. Right there's yer trouble.

[kaigou]

I remain convinced it's being ghost-written by Sumisawa's teenaged daughter. Either that, or Sumisawa is a living example of how otaku never die, they just... get hired to retcon & ruin write canon.

[raletha]

I remain convinced it's being ghost-written by Sumisawa's teenaged daughter.

Good lord, I have wondered this too. What's worse is I have itchy fingers to try to connect the crack dots. Maybe a fic with Quatre cleaning out the attic of the family home and finding a dusty jar with a fetus labeled "Quatre's backup heir". OR NOT, OMG.

Also, glad to know I am not alone in finding EW pretty lame. Except for the Mecha eye candy, it didn't do much for me.

[kaigou]

The problem with EW containing mostly mecha-candy is that when you fast-forward to the most recent OVA (Trailblazer), the entire movie is nothing but mecha-candy. Plot, what is this plot you speak of? Have another Gundam! Or thirty!

D:!

[haya5h1.livejournal.com]

I made the mistake of looking at the wiki and
...
CANNOT UNSEE.
CANNOT UNTHINK.
CANNOT UNKNOW.

Please tell me this isn't considered canon.

[kaigou]

I'm considering it canon in the same way I consider the in-between mangas and the OVA canon. As in, canon only in an alternate universe where logic need not apply.

Suddenly this icon feels extra-apropos.

[ticktocktober]

Clearly you are a braver creature than I, because I would have taken one look at the title 'Frozen Teardrop' and run screaming. If that isn't what you'd title a 50-chapter mpreg fanfic, I don't know what is.

And to think, the first two sentences of your post gave me such hope. ;_;

[kaigou]

Yeah, you and me both, I was all excited to hear there was an official (or somewhat official, if not necessarily true canon) continuation... and then I read the summary. One big stinking ball of WTF NO SRSLY WTF OVER. I could forgive the title -- Gundam episode & story titles are almost always pretentious as all get out -- but you get into alternate aging speeds, clones, next-generation, and then I hit the point in the character list where they bring Treize back from the dead and said, THIS IS TOTALLY FANGIRL-WRITTEN.

(Either that, or the writers for Gundam are even otaku-crazier than I'd given them credit for. Because, really, WTF, over.)

[annotated_em]

...no, no I refuse to look. I did my time in GW and I ain't going back, damn it. That way lies madness, chaos, and despair.

*clings to her mafia boys and girls instead*

Bob: *rolls his eyes* Oh, because they make so much more sense and are so much less crack-laced.

[kaigou]

Oh, because they make so much more sense and are so much less crack-laced.

The real question: do mafia boys and girls come with a bazillion crack-headed fangirly screaming woobies? That's where your real madness and despair lies, not in the story itself... which is why I'm convinced the author of this travesty is really just a fifteen-year-old girl in disguise. Or it's being written in a round-robin via smartphones by the teenaged hordes, with a new chapter every day coinciding with the subway ride between school and cram school.

[annotated_em]

Well, not a bazillion of them.

[genarti]

This is one of those things which I think will be most hilarious for the joy of describing it straight-faced to people (uh, as best I can) and watching them make the @______________@ face of horrified bafflement.

I mean. Seriously. Just start with the name Frozen Teardrop, and it all goes downhill from there from everything I've heard about it. (I haven't been keeping up with it in any active way, but.)

That said, I totally don't count it as mental canon. For anything like this, I feel that if it has any good bits I may feel free to declare those bits only mental canon, and all else can be pitched into the AU of AHAHAHAHA WTF.

[kaigou]

if it has any good bits I may feel free to declare those bits only mental canon, and all else can be pitched into the AU of AHAHAHAHA WTF

I need to figure out a witty way to iconify that phrase: the AU of AHAHAHAHA WTF, because it's really the best explanation for just about everything that happens in canon, semi-canon, and ex-canon after the closing shot of the final episode of the actual series. (Actually, it could explain that happened in the series, too, but I won't go that far.)

[genarti]

There are so many things I consign to that mental AU.

I actually like certain parts of the OVA, and also like higher art budget, but... uh... there are many aspects of the politics and continuity and retcons there that I don't look at too closely for fear my brain will dribble out my ears. Why the feathers. WHY.

...Come to think of it, I think I can handily slot all of this Frozen Teardrop nonsense into the mental Land Where Gundams Have Sparkly Symbolic Feathers, which very clearly bears no resemblance to actual reality in any way, and carry cheerfully on thenceforth!

[kaigou]

I once found an entire GW apologia from a clearly long-term fanboy, regarding the purpose and intent of the feathers on the Wing redesign. It was freaking BRILLIANT. A total apologia, but still, brilliant! Not entirely hanging together there, because, hello, FEATHERS... but he tried his damnedest. I gave props for that... and then spent at least a week trying to figure out a way to work his suppositions into a story. JUST BECAUSE.

[dragonhand]

So... I don't have to read this, right? Tell me I don't have to read this, ok?

[kaigou]

If you do read it, the next time we're sharing a con, you'll be forced to do your best rendition.

In eight-part harmony.

With sound effects.

And visual aids.



that way, I won't have to read it, but I can still enjoy the snark.

[dragonhand]

You realize that may just have had the intended effect. But you have to listen to the WHOLE THING. And SMILE while you do.

[kaigou]

You give me, erm, all of us, enough alcohol, and trust me, we'll probably smile at anything.

But even sober, I expect we'll all be smiling, no matter what you say... because you were the one who had to read that illogical crap, AND NOT US.

[(Anonymous)]

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Heero shrieked, startleing himself awake. Duo Maxwell, snoring contentedly with his boots propped up on the end of Heero’s hospital bed, flailed and went over backwards. He scrambled up and bent over Heero.
“Heero, buddy, are you-”
Heero grabbed him by the teeshirt and shook him vigorously.
“Am I the Aurora Princess?” he demanded.
It was hard to tell which were wider, Duo’s eyes or his mouth.
“Only if I’m Little Bo Peep,” he muttered, feeling around for the call help button. Heero grabbed it away and shoved it under his pillow.
“Operation Mythos! The Lanigreen Republic! Tell me about them, Duo!” He shook Duo harder. The cross fell out of Duo’s collar and plinked Heero on the nose. “What’s the name of my gundam?”
“Uh, Wing, but look, pal, I know you’re on some really good drugs right now, but if you could just let go, I’d really really appreciate-”
Heero eased his grip slightly. “Who are Snow White and Sleeping Beauty?”
“Characters in those sappy stories my girls make me read to them?” Duo ventured, trying to surreptiously work his phone out of his pocket.
Heero sighed and released Duo, relaxing back into his pillows.
“You swear to God you never heard of Doktor T?”
“Oh, now that was a really cool flick, with the crazy piano teacher and the five thousand fingers-” he leaped back out of Heero’s reach just as the door was flung wide.
“Oh, Heeeeeeeeeerooooo, I’m so so so so so so sorry I made you eat fugi I’ll never do it again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Heero looked at Relena, clinging to his chest and soaking his hospital gown.
“Just another near-death experience,” he said, in considerable relief. “All’s right with the world.”

[kaigou]

I'm not sure who you are, but I have a pretty good idea of where you're coming from (and I'm right there with you).






...and I suspect the entire after-series-series is going to spawn a lot of these kinds of snark-takes.

[chibidrunksanzo]

You realize, this means we absolutely must find a con for a reprise of the Gundam Geezers.

[dragonhand]

What? WHAT? ... oh wait, I'm not the deaf one. That's Wufei. XD

[kaigou]

I think I still have the combover around here, somewhere... Wufei's not deaf, he's just got sciatica. Makes him a bit short-tempered. Poor guy, went undiagnosed all that time since no one could actually see a difference in him.

[kaigou]

Bigger, better... and something else. More nurses?

[chibidrunksanzo]

More characters? Better prosthetics for wrinkles? More hitting on the ladies?