either they love me or hate me

[kaigou]

I just got back from Sears. My little veedub, the longtime trooper, has been having sluggish starts on some mornings. I rephrase that: in the morning, it won't start at all. By noon, or midafternoon, it'll start... sluggishly. Last time I tried, I think I flooded the engine or something, and figured I'd let it sit, then have it towed over to get a new battery. But today, it started on its own (by around 3pm, after a half-day in the winter sun), and I said, oh, hell, I could use some chocolate, let's go to Sears.

Me: I need a new battery.
Sears Guy: *opens hood*
Sears Guy: *looks at car*
Sears Guy: .......
Me: *not paying attention* Y'know, I'm thinking, I can't remember ever getting a battery for this car.
Sears Guy: .........
Me: It's a '96, and I got it in '98...
Sears Guy: .........

This is where I look around and realize there are now six Sears Guys all flocked around my engine compartment. Which sounds really obscene, but carrying on.

Me: Hello?
Sears Guy #1: We don't sell this battery anymore.
Me: You don't? That sucks, because it's been a great battery. I was gonna ask for another just like it.
Sears Guy #1: I imagine it's been the best battery anyone's ever seen.
Me: Hunh? It's a regular Die Hard. Aren't you supposed to change them like, I don't know, once a decade?
Sears Guy #2: *does the math* Or about every fifteen years, in your case.

All the other Sears Guys look shocked. I think some of them even looked positively reverent.

Sears Guy #1: Ma'am, batteries are expected to last about three years.
Me: Really?
Sears Guy #1: Really really.
Me: ...
Sears Guy #1: ...

Everyone else joined in the moment of silence, and then:

Me: Maybe I did change it and forgot.
Sears Guy #1: No, we discontinued this type.
Me: What, like a year or two ago?
Sears Guy #1: Like ten years ago.
Me: Wow. So I really haven't ever changed it.
Sears Guy #1: You're either doing something really right with this car...
Sears Guy #2: ... or really, really wrong.
Me: Can I go with "right"? I like how that sounds.

When I left -- with new battery in place -- four of the guys were arguing over where best to display that positively ancient battery in a good location of honor. I'm not sure whether to be flattered, or worried.

Comments

[kaigou]

The irony is that I never would've ended up in that situation if the bastards in Hackensack New Jersey (at about 11pm on a Thursday evening) hadn't each -- at four different service stations! -- insisted that Porsches needed a "special european grease". Ffffttt, but the forgetting to do something once I got home was entirely my fault.

Though having K going into Insta-Big-Brother-Mode was kinda cool, since that was the first time in my life I'd gotten a worried-rant-lecture from someone. And then having him go into full-blown Pissed Off Boston Irish on the guys who'd screwed up the bearings in the first place, that was even cooler. Not to say my dad in K's place wouldn't have been equally angry, but he wouldn't have raised his voice... and sometimes a little voice-raising can be an awfully satisfying thing.

[kaigou]

If the car had continued to be driven the spindle would have eventually failed and THEN the wheel would have fallen off

AND YOU WILL NEVER LET ME LIVE THIS DOWN.