either they love me or hate me

[kaigou]

I just got back from Sears. My little veedub, the longtime trooper, has been having sluggish starts on some mornings. I rephrase that: in the morning, it won't start at all. By noon, or midafternoon, it'll start... sluggishly. Last time I tried, I think I flooded the engine or something, and figured I'd let it sit, then have it towed over to get a new battery. But today, it started on its own (by around 3pm, after a half-day in the winter sun), and I said, oh, hell, I could use some chocolate, let's go to Sears.

Me: I need a new battery.
Sears Guy: *opens hood*
Sears Guy: *looks at car*
Sears Guy: .......
Me: *not paying attention* Y'know, I'm thinking, I can't remember ever getting a battery for this car.
Sears Guy: .........
Me: It's a '96, and I got it in '98...
Sears Guy: .........

This is where I look around and realize there are now six Sears Guys all flocked around my engine compartment. Which sounds really obscene, but carrying on.

Me: Hello?
Sears Guy #1: We don't sell this battery anymore.
Me: You don't? That sucks, because it's been a great battery. I was gonna ask for another just like it.
Sears Guy #1: I imagine it's been the best battery anyone's ever seen.
Me: Hunh? It's a regular Die Hard. Aren't you supposed to change them like, I don't know, once a decade?
Sears Guy #2: *does the math* Or about every fifteen years, in your case.

All the other Sears Guys look shocked. I think some of them even looked positively reverent.

Sears Guy #1: Ma'am, batteries are expected to last about three years.
Me: Really?
Sears Guy #1: Really really.
Me: ...
Sears Guy #1: ...

Everyone else joined in the moment of silence, and then:

Me: Maybe I did change it and forgot.
Sears Guy #1: No, we discontinued this type.
Me: What, like a year or two ago?
Sears Guy #1: Like ten years ago.
Me: Wow. So I really haven't ever changed it.
Sears Guy #1: You're either doing something really right with this car...
Sears Guy #2: ... or really, really wrong.
Me: Can I go with "right"? I like how that sounds.

When I left -- with new battery in place -- four of the guys were arguing over where best to display that positively ancient battery in a good location of honor. I'm not sure whether to be flattered, or worried.

Comments

[dejla]

Yeah, those little veedubs just keep going and going and going... You had the Energizer Bunny in your car!!

[hokuton_punch]

... that is amazing. o.o

[branchandroot]

*deeply amused* That's really funny. And clearly you're doing something very right and have a magical car to boot.

[onyxlynx]

I added this to memories, onaccountabecause reverence. Also, wow!

[okaasan59]

It's a shame everything sold now has such a short life expectancy. Ah, planned obsolescence, how I hate thee.

[dragonhand]

When something like this happens, it seems to happen to you. *laughing* Gear head. Of course you did stuff right. The other option isn't even a consideration.

[margrave]

This is absolutely amazing. And I could not stop laughing.

You are an unique snow-flake.

Also, the Sears Guys are hilarious.

[starscream]

You're going to go back and they'll have erected a shrine around it in honor of the Machine God.

[the_future_modernes]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!

[nagasvoice]

Now I'm wondering about what happens to other things placed in your car.

[love]

Dude, all I can say is, WOW.

[taithe]

Ahahaha this is fantastic. Too bad they don't make them like that anymore (unintentionally or not).

[morkeleb]

... *cracking up now yes*

Note, I don't even have a car (or a driver's license) and I don't know that I would even know how to refill the tank (though that doesn't seem TOO hard, but... hidden tricks? What do I know.) But the convo is still hilarious.

[billie]

Only with a veedub, seriously. *laughs*

I love your car stories. Really I do. You're partially to blame for the fact that I've started to tinker with my bicycle (for lack of a driving license or, y'know, car), and that I started to pay attention when my father attempts to explain machine-related things to me.

Incidentally, his old VW Passat had miles to the moon and about one or to quarters of the way back by the time it gave out, so here's to a lot more life of your car. :D

[mongrelheart]

Magic battery!

Either that, or some kind of gitch in the space-time-continuum...

[love]

So... what VW do you have? Doug keeps telling me not to get one because he says they're always breaking down, but you seem to not have that sort of problem...