peeeeeeeves.
15 Nov 2004 09:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaigouWhere to start, where to start.
Oh, right.
Mewling.
The above word should just be stripped, STRIPPED, I say, from the vocabulary of every writer, especially fanfic authors. I just finished reading a rather mindless if relatively decently written (and nicely long) story, with a variety of characters and a solid plot. Except, the author feels it necessary to throw in at least three sex scenes per chapter - which isn't too bad when you consider her idea of a short chapter is roughly 11K words. Okay. Whatever. But...one of the two mewls. Constantly. Like, SIX TIMES in ONE FRICKIN' SCENE.
Kittens mewl. I do not want to associate kittens trying to nurse with a grown character in the midst of sex. That's just...I'm thinking fuzzy, furry, no. No. I could handle one intance of mewling - we all make some pretty bizarre sounds when we're blissed out, I'll be the first to admit - but puhleeeeese. There's so many more words. Whimper. Moan. Grunt. Groan. One could possibly even growl - I've known people who do, in bed - and there's also sighing, crying out, a hitch in the throat, etc. Mewling should not, and doesn't need to be, used. Especially repeatedly.
Next up. Purring. Oh, isn't that cute, the widdle kitten is WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE WRITING! A sex scene, or a bunch of frickin' felines rolling around with plaid mice? If I wanted that, I'd torture my own goddamned cat, not read your fanfics. Okay, let's be realistic. It is possible for a human to make a purr-like sound, no doubt; I've known people who do. However, when they do it at the drop of a hat in every possible instance, the average human being does not find this a turn-on. The first few times, maybe; the next three hundred times, it's like, what, you want me to call you Garfield? Go open your own damn can of catfood and get out of my face. I mean, really. I guess the thing is that if a word or phrase is slammed into my eyeballs over and over, it loses the impact. It's no longer an intriguing thing. It gets old.
Oh, and speaking of old, let's discuss nubs, shall we? It's not a NUB, people. It's a clit, it's a nipple, it's a damn bump on the skin, whatever. But come on, think about it. Ever heard the expression "worn down to a nub"? Not. A. Sexy. Image.
Really. The way some writers are, you'd think they're terrified of actually using words, and yet, as writers, we deal in words. It's our lifeblood. So just as I fail to see why someone would insist on using 'baka' - a single Japanese word, when there's such nuanced words available in English to capture the moment so much better than a borrow-word: moron, twit, imbecile, idiot, asshole, scum, pinhead, bonehead... There's also no reason to use the delightfully moronic (baka-ic?) euphemisms like 'member.' Let alone 'throbbing member.' The only time any part of my body has throbbed has usually been right after it's been whacked good and hard with a damn 2lb hammer. Again, NOT a sexy image. And it's not a member, if we're talking about a guy's body. It's a dick. A cock. A penis. Come on. Not hard to remember, and hey, even uses fewer letters: P. E. N. I. S.
Sometimes I think some writers should be forced to write words out a hundred times on the blackboard before being allowed to tackle scenes with adult content. It's like...if you're going to write about adults, be an adult yourself. Yes, yes, I get the idea that if your character is prudish, s/he might not use these words. That's fine. But I sincerely doubt that your prudish character would refer to it as a 'member'. It's not part of a goddamn club, people, it's a part of the body. Prudish folks tend to avoid all mention, and would go with "she put her hand on him" and just leave it up to the more knowledgeable among us to know what exactly this is implying. That works. And it avoids use of the dreaded 'member' and don't EVEN get me started on neglected or oozing. When the scene is supposed to be sexy, an 'oozing member' is just not a turn-on. It makes me think the character should be rushed off to the doctor and given a strong dose of penicillin. There are other words. Buy a frickin' THESAURUS and find out what they are.
Part of the problem in fanfic stories, I think, is that we're often influenced by those around us, and fanfic writers tend to be quite voracious in their reading as they are in writing. No surprise there, since the same is often true of original fiction writers. I've been going over one of my earliest experiments - in the WK fandom - where I thought it'd be interesting to write an entire story in present tense. It's also third person omniscient, and I find I'm so out of practice with that style that while reading, I keep getting confused as to which character's head I'm in; I've been converting to third person deep, albeit changing POV from scene to scene. However, scattered through there are writing patterns that never existed in my works prior to fanfiction - hell, they're not even present in my BtVS fanfiction to any great degree. The elder assassin. The strawberry blond. The athlete. The frickin' swordsman.
Excuse me while I bash my head against the keyboard just a few more times.
In most creative writing classes, students read a variety of short stories and excerpts. When I took a class at Johns Hopkins, lo these many years ago, my assignments were a series of "mimic the author" - from Wolfe to Faulkner to Hemingway to Welty. And no, I don't mean Tom, but Virginia - I was probably a bit too young to really get Tom Wolfe, and we won't even mention Kesey. But anyway. Point is, that's where my attitude comes from in messing with my voice as a writer - trying to push those boundaries, thanks to being exposed to a variety of styles.
We don't got a variety of styles in fanfic. We've got a variety of plots, interpretations, and authors, but nearly all are doing their hardest to mimic each other. I think part of this is because so many fanfic writers are relatively newcomers to the idea of writing, and they don't understand that writing itself is a craft, independent of one's plot, characters, or setting. Instead, they see those three elements as being the forefront, and don't notice the rest. Well, I notice the rest, and if I see 'braided boy' or 'banged boy' one more time I'm gonna bleed out my frickin' eyeballs, people. I guess it's just that the insidious influence of twenty thousand gundam wing stories really does have an impact on the newest writers, and when you consider that 99.9% of those stories are badly written, derivative, and all use the same bleedin' stereotypes, phrases, and descriptors, over and over...it can be hard to squeeze those out of your head when you really don't know much about the craft o' writing.
But if I could just get rid of mewling, I'd be happy with that for now. My plans for world domination can wait a bit longer.
[EDIT]: Ah, almost forgot. Merith reminded me, though.
Every month in Lenswork, Brooks Jensen (one of the editors) does a short essay before the magazine gets into the meat of its usual gorgeous black and white images. I recall a few months ago, Jensen had a rather nicely put - if strongly-worded - diatribe against the notion that art is entirely in the eye of the beholder. There has to be a line, he said, at which we can reasonably say, past this point, that sucks. If you honestly want to pay $17,000 for an 'installation' which consists of a styrofoam cup filled with coffee and set against a blank wall, cordoned away from the hoity new yawk ar-teests... And I'm not making that up; there really was such an 'installation' and it did sell for that much, and I'm still befuddled. But is it necessarily art? Jensen's point was that in the photography and art worlds, there's a tendency to play along with the emperor's new clothes, and justify the most egregious examples of bad taste as being 'art' because, hey, who are you to judge?
Well, I'm the one reading the frickin' story, that's who.
I disagree with the pressure that makes a friend feel she needs to justify her preference for certain interpretations of fandom characters. Nor do I think I should necessarily be the one who has to defend my assertions that I won't read a story if it's badly written. I am not the guilty party; the demands on my time are not set by a democracy. The author is proven bad until s/he proves hirself good. Oh, sure, you can say all you want that your interpretation is the one that makes the most sense to you. But if you can't frickin' write, and don't know the proper punctuation or grammar or switch tense sixteen times in one scene for no obvious reason and can't even bloody well SPELL...no. I am not going to laud jack. I think that gives me the right - as a reader, not a writer - to say: you suck. Go back and learn the craft before you think you have the right to waste my time.
*stomps off*
Gyah! Jeebus.
Oh, right.
Mewling.
The above word should just be stripped, STRIPPED, I say, from the vocabulary of every writer, especially fanfic authors. I just finished reading a rather mindless if relatively decently written (and nicely long) story, with a variety of characters and a solid plot. Except, the author feels it necessary to throw in at least three sex scenes per chapter - which isn't too bad when you consider her idea of a short chapter is roughly 11K words. Okay. Whatever. But...one of the two mewls. Constantly. Like, SIX TIMES in ONE FRICKIN' SCENE.
Kittens mewl. I do not want to associate kittens trying to nurse with a grown character in the midst of sex. That's just...I'm thinking fuzzy, furry, no. No. I could handle one intance of mewling - we all make some pretty bizarre sounds when we're blissed out, I'll be the first to admit - but puhleeeeese. There's so many more words. Whimper. Moan. Grunt. Groan. One could possibly even growl - I've known people who do, in bed - and there's also sighing, crying out, a hitch in the throat, etc. Mewling should not, and doesn't need to be, used. Especially repeatedly.
Next up. Purring. Oh, isn't that cute, the widdle kitten is WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE WRITING! A sex scene, or a bunch of frickin' felines rolling around with plaid mice? If I wanted that, I'd torture my own goddamned cat, not read your fanfics. Okay, let's be realistic. It is possible for a human to make a purr-like sound, no doubt; I've known people who do. However, when they do it at the drop of a hat in every possible instance, the average human being does not find this a turn-on. The first few times, maybe; the next three hundred times, it's like, what, you want me to call you Garfield? Go open your own damn can of catfood and get out of my face. I mean, really. I guess the thing is that if a word or phrase is slammed into my eyeballs over and over, it loses the impact. It's no longer an intriguing thing. It gets old.
Oh, and speaking of old, let's discuss nubs, shall we? It's not a NUB, people. It's a clit, it's a nipple, it's a damn bump on the skin, whatever. But come on, think about it. Ever heard the expression "worn down to a nub"? Not. A. Sexy. Image.
Really. The way some writers are, you'd think they're terrified of actually using words, and yet, as writers, we deal in words. It's our lifeblood. So just as I fail to see why someone would insist on using 'baka' - a single Japanese word, when there's such nuanced words available in English to capture the moment so much better than a borrow-word: moron, twit, imbecile, idiot, asshole, scum, pinhead, bonehead... There's also no reason to use the delightfully moronic (baka-ic?) euphemisms like 'member.' Let alone 'throbbing member.' The only time any part of my body has throbbed has usually been right after it's been whacked good and hard with a damn 2lb hammer. Again, NOT a sexy image. And it's not a member, if we're talking about a guy's body. It's a dick. A cock. A penis. Come on. Not hard to remember, and hey, even uses fewer letters: P. E. N. I. S.
Sometimes I think some writers should be forced to write words out a hundred times on the blackboard before being allowed to tackle scenes with adult content. It's like...if you're going to write about adults, be an adult yourself. Yes, yes, I get the idea that if your character is prudish, s/he might not use these words. That's fine. But I sincerely doubt that your prudish character would refer to it as a 'member'. It's not part of a goddamn club, people, it's a part of the body. Prudish folks tend to avoid all mention, and would go with "she put her hand on him" and just leave it up to the more knowledgeable among us to know what exactly this is implying. That works. And it avoids use of the dreaded 'member' and don't EVEN get me started on neglected or oozing. When the scene is supposed to be sexy, an 'oozing member' is just not a turn-on. It makes me think the character should be rushed off to the doctor and given a strong dose of penicillin. There are other words. Buy a frickin' THESAURUS and find out what they are.
Part of the problem in fanfic stories, I think, is that we're often influenced by those around us, and fanfic writers tend to be quite voracious in their reading as they are in writing. No surprise there, since the same is often true of original fiction writers. I've been going over one of my earliest experiments - in the WK fandom - where I thought it'd be interesting to write an entire story in present tense. It's also third person omniscient, and I find I'm so out of practice with that style that while reading, I keep getting confused as to which character's head I'm in; I've been converting to third person deep, albeit changing POV from scene to scene. However, scattered through there are writing patterns that never existed in my works prior to fanfiction - hell, they're not even present in my BtVS fanfiction to any great degree. The elder assassin. The strawberry blond. The athlete. The frickin' swordsman.
Excuse me while I bash my head against the keyboard just a few more times.
In most creative writing classes, students read a variety of short stories and excerpts. When I took a class at Johns Hopkins, lo these many years ago, my assignments were a series of "mimic the author" - from Wolfe to Faulkner to Hemingway to Welty. And no, I don't mean Tom, but Virginia - I was probably a bit too young to really get Tom Wolfe, and we won't even mention Kesey. But anyway. Point is, that's where my attitude comes from in messing with my voice as a writer - trying to push those boundaries, thanks to being exposed to a variety of styles.
We don't got a variety of styles in fanfic. We've got a variety of plots, interpretations, and authors, but nearly all are doing their hardest to mimic each other. I think part of this is because so many fanfic writers are relatively newcomers to the idea of writing, and they don't understand that writing itself is a craft, independent of one's plot, characters, or setting. Instead, they see those three elements as being the forefront, and don't notice the rest. Well, I notice the rest, and if I see 'braided boy' or 'banged boy' one more time I'm gonna bleed out my frickin' eyeballs, people. I guess it's just that the insidious influence of twenty thousand gundam wing stories really does have an impact on the newest writers, and when you consider that 99.9% of those stories are badly written, derivative, and all use the same bleedin' stereotypes, phrases, and descriptors, over and over...it can be hard to squeeze those out of your head when you really don't know much about the craft o' writing.
But if I could just get rid of mewling, I'd be happy with that for now. My plans for world domination can wait a bit longer.
[EDIT]: Ah, almost forgot. Merith reminded me, though.
Every month in Lenswork, Brooks Jensen (one of the editors) does a short essay before the magazine gets into the meat of its usual gorgeous black and white images. I recall a few months ago, Jensen had a rather nicely put - if strongly-worded - diatribe against the notion that art is entirely in the eye of the beholder. There has to be a line, he said, at which we can reasonably say, past this point, that sucks. If you honestly want to pay $17,000 for an 'installation' which consists of a styrofoam cup filled with coffee and set against a blank wall, cordoned away from the hoity new yawk ar-teests... And I'm not making that up; there really was such an 'installation' and it did sell for that much, and I'm still befuddled. But is it necessarily art? Jensen's point was that in the photography and art worlds, there's a tendency to play along with the emperor's new clothes, and justify the most egregious examples of bad taste as being 'art' because, hey, who are you to judge?
Well, I'm the one reading the frickin' story, that's who.
I disagree with the pressure that makes a friend feel she needs to justify her preference for certain interpretations of fandom characters. Nor do I think I should necessarily be the one who has to defend my assertions that I won't read a story if it's badly written. I am not the guilty party; the demands on my time are not set by a democracy. The author is proven bad until s/he proves hirself good. Oh, sure, you can say all you want that your interpretation is the one that makes the most sense to you. But if you can't frickin' write, and don't know the proper punctuation or grammar or switch tense sixteen times in one scene for no obvious reason and can't even bloody well SPELL...no. I am not going to laud jack. I think that gives me the right - as a reader, not a writer - to say: you suck. Go back and learn the craft before you think you have the right to waste my time.
*stomps off*
Gyah! Jeebus.
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Date: 16 Nov 2004 03:49 am (UTC)*cringes*