does this mean I'm important?

[kaigou]

I was perusing the rather funny bits on the sub-thread in fanfic_hate about using random Japanese (and incorrectly at that), and hit the next page to find...there I am. I guess that means I've hit the big time, to be mentioned - and I didn't even have to demand that I be? A part of me is going...you recommended that piece to convert someone? No, no, that was just fluff. Please. Don't! There are others that aren't as...well...fluffy. I would've suggested All of Me, maybe. But whatever.

But in some ways, I am guilty as charged, I suppose. Some of the stories do require a massive info dump - Drums was a nightmare, thanks to the complex plot - and I gave myself headaches on that one. And Jade disappointed a number of people who did want it to be Duo-centric and focus only on Duo. Without a lengthy ten more chapters on Duo's POV and recovery, it did seem like it was wrapped right up, neat and tight. So I can see the complaints or critiques - hm, must have Gemini in me somewhere, to find myself saying, "then again on the other hand..."

I wanna cookie. With nuts, and chocolate chips.

I like writing fanfiction, sometimes, because I like the lessons I can learn from it. But sometimes it's just so frickin' tiresome. Writing original fiction...it's like there's a spark I'm trying for, and I think I get it, sometimes and sometimes I don't. I mean, hello, not published yet, so I've got room to improve, right? But at least in original fiction there's less chance of someone saying, "that's not Tetsu! he's not like that at all!" Well, friggin' go play in traffic, 'cause MY Tetsu is just like that. Nyah.

Then again, I think the hard part about original fiction is that I've got friends and relatives who read it, thanks to that elist, but...they never say anything. Oh, they ask me whether I've sent out more query letters, and whether anyone's asked for the full manuscript and did I talk to this nice woman who goes to church with my mother who's published children's books and there's that guy my sister met who's published three books of poetry...and I have to explain, patiently, each time, that the industry is stratified, compartmentalized. Someone who does children's books is probably not going to be interested in contemporary fantasy, folks. And while I appreciate the sentiments and gentle prodding/support, it'd be a lot nicer to hear someone say - to my face, damn it - I liked the story. Couldn't put it down. Someone who isn't coming over the internet, but someone I've known for years. Cause I'd know if they were lying! I think. But they don't say anything at all...and being Southern? That means they don't like it.

Well, my dad's not read it. I'm not sure how he'd take the whole Tetsu/Keegan angle. I fully expect my step-mother to go into a self-righteous hissy fit over the notion of a) non-human, semi-pagan, definitely non-christian characters, let alone b) a gay relationship. I've never figured that out, given she'll chatter on happily about trolls and gnomes. I guess if it's part of her culture, it's okay. Hmph. But I digress.

I don't really feel like writing fanfiction, and thing is, I haven't for the past week or so. Reading that people find my plots repetitive and boring...well, doesn't really change the lack of motivation. Guess I also find it kinda amusing, too, that I'm supposedly a Big Name Something in GW. Wee, I won Oishii. Fuck that, people, Spooks won Best Overall two years in a row! I'm not rec'd on anything but Tomomishi and Sweetlysour. I got a rec from Dacia for Find the Moon, of all things. And I don't think Suzume even knows I exist. Strange, eh? I want to be enough under the radar to not get slammed but not so far I don't get noticed at all.

I guess the difference is that when you're writing original fiction, no one else reads it until you're done. You're not pleasing anyone but yourself. And then you revise, you get more editing comments from agent or editor, and it's published. The fans can say, "you should've done this," but it's DONE. There is no going back to the publisher and redoing all fifty chapters. Fanfiction, there's a certain amount of pandering to the audience, but I don't think it's because I - or anyone else - is necessarily weak. It's just that we're dealing with shared characters, and sometimes the insight from critiques can remind me of points or details that I'd missed about our shared characters. I don't share Celia or Hauk or Meg or Tamayori with anyone. No one's comments on characterization, in the end, are going to be worth half as much as my own final decision - though I may take editing comments into consideration. They don't sway me half as much as they do when I'm writing fanfic - and it's only exacerbated because I post chapters as I write - which means critiques can have direct impact on the next chapter produced.

I wonder. Is TWT really wandering? I don't know how to tighten it. I know Tetractys needs to be scoped out - it was easy with Drums, one POV, every chapter. Tetractys needs a frickin' floor plan. Or seven. The Contraries arc? That's pretty straightforward. I want to delete Wolves II, but Tyr's policy will at most let me just leave it permanently incomplete. I dunno. Maybe I can just tell Tyr to take down TWT for like two months, and I'll rework it, finish, and then repost. Because I'm not sure I really do like Quatre that much in it - I can see where he's coming from, but there's a lot of "and now we watch Quatre do the normal human thing of trying, quitting, moving on to trying something else." Verbatim speech is realistic, but it's damned boring. So are plotlines following that process.

Anyway, I dunno, and don't expect any new chapters for awhile. For the first time in a long time, I have time...and simply can't care enough to churn out any chapters. Rereading TWT only made me see how much Quatre needs to be kicked in the head - it didn't inspire me to give him any chances to straighten up and fly right and be less of a self-centered prick. I'm not even going near Tetractys. Wolves...don't even bother. It's unofficially over, even if that's not announced any where. And I suppose I'll finish Contraries if only out of sheer obstinance.

In the meantime, I wanna cookie.

Comments

[driftingdoll.livejournal.com]

*hugs Sol* Don't get too discouraged. I love your fics and I'm all that counts, right? *looks around* Well... I'm not that important, but... get on AIM, so I can try to inspire you :P *hands you a cookie, then several more for good measure*

[solitude1056.livejournal.com]

Well, I sure hope you like my fics, or it'd be hell on you when coding all of them!

Then again, I gotta roll my eyes at the complaint from one person that I start a new epic while writing another one. It's like, oh, cause I'm soooo up there in unfinished works compared to some people. I have one unfinished, and two ongoing - and this compares how to other-writers-who-won't-be-named who have six, seven, twenty unfinished stories wasting away!?

Heh.

[driftingdoll.livejournal.com]

This makes me glad I only have TWO unfinished fics, those being Forgotten Gods and Winter Wishes. Of course, I have around eight that have an incomplete first chapter, but those won't count until I make an official post... which I promise not to do until something else is finished.

[sarolynne.livejournal.com]

Bah. I don't see where they are getting the idea that your plotlines are redundant, honestly. I'm trying, and the best I can come up with is in Dancing and TWT both, one of the normally pampered characters runs off... which would be the sum of all resembalance there, I think. Actually, I think I'd have emailed you if I thought that... because I'm such a winner making friends and all that I feel drawn to point stuff like that out. Eh. The other bull is all taste, and you can't please everyone.

I'm sorry to hear that the reason you're not writing fanfic is because you don't feel any motivation too, not because your ofics are singing to you. I do hope that circumstance changes, on way or another. Personally, I wouldn't mind more fanfiction, but I get to read that. And it is nice to see an update pop up from someone I know won't poke me in the eye with bad characterization or poor writing.

Okay... now all that aside...

Someone who does children's books is probably not going to be interested in contemporary fantasy, folks.

Does this imply you write contemporary fantasy? And if so, what would it take to encourage you to write such for something I could see? Hm. Damn. There's never enough good fantasy around.

[solitude1056.livejournal.com]

Yep, contemporary fantasy, based in urban setting. Dancing was converted to that style, but in some ways it's still a struggle. I prefer magical realism, like in Like Water for Chocolate, where there's magic but there's never that "payoff" - it's not explained, it's not justified, it simply is. But in every major crit I've had of my original fiction, the other writers insist they want to know what's going on, who that is, why that is...So. I guess I write contemporary fantasy, even if my heart leans towards letting magic just be a part of the world, with no explanations required.

But anyway.

I posted the prologue to the story I'm just starting - and oh, I didn't mean to give the impression that I'm bored with fanfiction but not inspired by ofic. I am inspired...to the point that thinking about Tetsu, and Spark, and Keegan, has pushed pretty much everything else out of my head. What's frustrating is when I think long-term, for more stories, and find that all the stories popping up are fanfiction, and not original fiction. I'd rather have ten plotlines for original and one for fanfiction, than the other way around.

Anyway, I've got a jacket calling my name, and then I have to run around and clean before my brother gets here for dinner. Fuck, the place is a MESS...

[sarolynne.livejournal.com]

Well, I am glad that thinking about ofic is good. :)

And I really think there's two schools on fantasy. There's definitely people who want magic to be a science. And a lot of high fantasy caters to that. They all have complex magical systems, which often involve a source, and get rather boring... : P

To my mind, urban fantasy loses some of the magic if it's too explained. I mean, you're supposed to be adding something unreal to reatily, right?

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

*huggles you* Dammit. I hadn't seen that, because I've stayed the hell away from it for the past few days. I was hoping it was pretty much over with. Let it die already, people! :-\ Fuck. I was having a bad day anyway...this is a perfect ending. -_-

I was kind of surprised you weren't on there sooner, really; the first few pages read like a who's who of the best authors in the fandom, and hey, all my other favorite authors are on there. And I mean ALL...I was slightly insulted that they ignored you, to be honest. (Sorry, I'm sure that was so not helpful, admitting that! ^^;;) But I like to think I have good taste, and god forbid those fuckers agree with me on anything. >< Anyway when I saw Arith on there I was figuring the rest of the War Room wouldn't be far behind. 'Cuz you all rock. ^_^ And you are big names even if you don't feel like it...people get jealous of that.

I'm terribly sorry to hear that you aren't feeling like writing, and of course this isn't helping. I could say again that you have lots of fans, myself included, who don't think your plots are boring or repetitive at all. I admire the fact that you can write an interesting, intricate plot; my strengths are in characterization and description, and I can't write action to save my life. -_- That's only one of many, many things I love about your writing.

Maybe my opinion doesn't count for that much--I don't know what to say, to you or to anyone else I know who's been hit by this...I feel so helpless, like I'm in a firefight watching people get shot down and there's nothing I can do that will make a difference. >< I'd cry if that was something I did, because I hate to see my friends getting hurt by this--and I do consider you a friend.

But since crying would accomplish even less than adding my own flaming to that godawful moronic mess over there (and that's really, really tempting right about now) and my rambling here is probably not doing much good either...I think I'll join you for a cookie. And some coffee. Coffee makes the whole world better.

*gives you a cookie* <3 <3 <3

[solitude1056.livejournal.com]

Miffed that they ignored me...well, I suppose I'm notorious. Hey, better than nothing, right?

But in some ways, it's not really a slam. Proportionally speaking? No. It's not. It's a pesky mosquito compared to rejection I've suffered elsewhere, like finding out my acceptance into grad school was a computer error - that it took them three months to find out, and only because I wanted to know why I hadn't been assigned an advisor. Four weeks before classes started, and they informed me it was a mistake in the registrar's office - and then they sent me a rejection letter - y'know, just in case I didn't get the message while I was on the phone with them. That hurt. That hurt like the frickin' dickens, because that was four years minimum I'd had planned out...and in one ten minute conversation it was gone.

This is probably why I can take rejection letters from agents and not blink. Because at least they say, "not interested" and not "sure! no problem! wait, computer error, sorry to get your hopes up!" And when I keep that in perspective, I'm not really that bothered by what some fanfic readers say. I mean, hell, when I do publish - not if, WHEN - I'm going to get it with both barrels from someone, somewhere, who's working as a critic for some magazine or newspaper, eh? So might as well toughen the skin while it's still something simple.

Frankly, when it comes to action, I rely a great deal on Maldoror. That demon can write a fight scene that just blows my mind, every single time. I worship at the altar of Maldoror for fight scenes. ;D

[okaasan59.livejournal.com]

I don't see how anyone could think your plots are similar. I can see how someone may have had difficulty with Drums - it was a bit complex, but really, I'd rather have something I can sink my teeth into. PWP's are a dime a dozen. And I think a good bit of the criticism on f_h is just jealousy. So there. :P

[solitude1056.livejournal.com]

I suspect there are a few who dislike me thanks to that crap with Scimitar and the whole FmA clique that had developed - and while I archived them, I wasn't part of their BNF Clique. Woe is me. See me cry. *eyeroll* Until I turned off anonymous posting on my LJ, I did get a few comments here and there that made me suspect some were still bearing a grudge. So in that sense, not surprised to see something showing up - but you're right, it is a rather transparent complaint to say my plots are all the same. Although I wish I could write something else as complex as Drums...but my endings dissatisfy a number of people, for being so, well, open-ended.

Which is why it's amusing in a 'whatever' kinda way that someone else complained that Jade ended too neatly and was wrapped up in such a pat manner. it's like..PICK ONE! Heh.

Although I'm still tempted to swing by and say, "you wanna read something worth reading that's not too long? Try the Before the Beginning arc. Short, demonstrates characterization skills, and if you tell me 2500 words is too long, that's between you and your third-grade teacher."

*snark*

Off to bed!

[sockren.livejournal.com]

Personally, I was shocked to see you there. I don't know a single person who reads fanfiction or original fiction that doesn't say your name and add "writes damn good fiction" after it. Your stories have a lot of information in them, but it always has a point and it's necessary! Besides, you're out there writing NOVELS. I read the DRAFT of your story and just a little bit of it and was blown away. You're a wonderful writer, Sol.