How am I supposed to read this?

[kaigou]

More and more recently over the past year or two, there have been modern-setting stories (usually urban fantasy + humor/comedy) that incorporate pop culture. I have, somehow -- how, I don't know -- managed to inculcate a certain level of immunity to random Japanese like baka. I have also, somehow, managed to stifle the grimace down to a simple twinge when I see references to Sunnydale or Buffy or Anita or Lestat or any other mod-pop-cult iconage.

What I can not stomach is when authors use -- in dialogue, no less -- internet-based acronyms. Not because I don't know what DNF, or BFF, or OMG, or WTF means, but because I don't know how to read it. My brain suddenly splits into two separate voices.

“OMG.” She turned bright red. “OMG.” She covered her mouth. “OMG,” she said again, sort of muffled.

Me: *translates* "Oh my god," she cried. *thinks* Wait, did she actually say, "oh em gee," or did she say "oh my god"? Which is it?

And then I just come to a complete halt, because I can't hear the story any more. I can only hear this bizarre disconnect over whether the character said the phrase that's the meaning of the acronym -- "oh my god" in this case -- or if the character actually said the acronym, in which case wouldn't one write it as "oh em gee"?

And do you know ANYONE on this planet who says "oh em gee!" without a wink-wink nudge-nudge delivery? I mean, the only times I've ever heard someone actually say "oh em gee!" they said it in an identical cadence and expression as "gag me with a spoon" or "totally tubular", same as "oh-snap!", or even "eleventy-one!". It's a verbal wink, if not accompanied outright by an actual wink. It's basically saying, this-is-a-JOKE because I'm using silly netspeak only used by twits! Haha, so clever am I!

However, I have never heard anyone spell out WTF: what would that be? Double-you-tee-eff? That's five syllables to say what you could've said in three. Whut, whut?

I would really like to enjoy this story, because the pace is quick and the characters amusing and the UST is hot but seriously lacking in emoistic overdrive, which is a nice change. And I've managed to get halfway through riding hard enough on the characterizations that I managed to whiz right past the automatic flinches every time I get yet another heavy-handed pop culture reference shoved at me.

But when I got to that single paragraph, I'm afraid my brain broke for at least five minutes. I actually came to a complete halt, and had to go do something else, anything else, to manage to forget that I had just spent at least three minutes trying to figure out how I was supposed to bloody well read that. My usual speedy pace was gone, smashed up on the altar of Way Too Much Freaking Acronym Usage In One Paragraph.

I don't even know how to characterize it, for that matter. It tells me nothing. If someone were to freak out at whatever this character saw, in an adorably dorky manner of freaking out, then this would have worked just as well:

“Oh my god.” She turned bright red. “Oh my god.” She covered her mouth. “Oh my god,” she said again, sort of muffled.

I mean, the repetition still gives you the humor. It doesn't really tell me anything about the character (in a personalized sense) because that phrase, or a variant, is pretty widespread both as a phrase and as an utterance of shock. The characterization in this paragraph is relying solely on the description, which is fine in this case, because it's a short paragraph.

But if I'm supposed to 'hear' the character saying this, instead:

“Oh-em-gee.” She turned bright red. “Oh-em-gee.” She covered her mouth. “Oh-em-gee,” she said again, sort of muffled.

I still get the humor, and now I also have the strong suspicion that the character has the mental capacity of a toaster.

...Unless she's winking at the same time -- which means her overly dramatic reaction must be sarcasm, or self-mocking silliness, and neither fit in context of the following paragraphs.

Just doesn't work for me. All I end up thinking is: wow. Lazy writer, and what editor let her get away with that, or have people gotten so used to seeing the acronyms and thinking them, that they no longer hear them on the page anymore?

Comments

[nykeyoung.livejournal.com]

At least it wasn't LOL.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

I'm not done with the book yet, so let's not tempt fate, shall we?

(Strangely, I don't mind reading/hearing "lulz" in a story, because one might say it the same way it's spelt: lulls. That resolves the disconnect, even if I still twinge at the too-self-conscious ultra-trendy pop-cult element.)

[ravensilver.livejournal.com]

Actually...

...my daughter did that just recently. We were talking and instead of *laughing*, she actually said *LOL*!

I then explained to her that I'm still her mother and a human being and would much more prefer to see her laugh than talk interneteese...

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

Which demonstrates exactly what I mean when I say that people don't spell out the acronym -- ell-oh-ell or oh-em-gee -- unless there's an edge of sarcasm or wink-wink or, well, fakeness about it. Because if you really were thinking something's funny enough to laugh, then you'd be too busy laughing to say anything, right?

I mean, if you translate the acronym into a full-word meta-colloquial, I think you'd end up with:

oh-em-gee = "cry of surprise or disbelief!"
ell-oh-ell = "laughter!"

It's a shorthand version of someone say, "this is me, laughing," but it's usually delivered with a straight face. Or a grin is cracked to indicate the sarcasm is fond, not harsh, but still.

No, if/when that's done around me, I do find it offensive as well, I suppose for that reason, come to think of it. Not because it's internet-ese, but because of the implications in the word choice, even if someone doesn't realize it consciously.

[l-clausewitz.livejournal.com]

The funny thing is that here in Indonesia many teenagers are using those netspeak acronyms in daily speech, though they usually spell them according to Indonesian pronounciation rules (so "WTF" is read like "way-tay-eff"). OMG is an exception because, unlike the other acronyms, it's actually pronounced "oh-em-gee" in the (American) English manner.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

It's still a characterization point, though, as to whether it's "oh my god" or "oh-em-gee" (which I have heard, but always with that wink-wink bit). What bothers me, really, is that the author didn't use one or the other, but OMG, which leaves me baffled as to which way to read it: and the characterization would be radically different, depending.

Plus, it's just plain annoying in a story. Could the author just not be arsed to actually spell it out, even the sounded-out version?

[scbutler.livejournal.com]

Bad writing is bad writing is bad writing. No one thought it through till you, which is a failure by the writer (and the editor).

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

It's not the first time I've seen acronyms used in a story, but this is probably the most egregious.

I don't, normally, have an issue with acronyms, having grown up in a military family. I read NDU, and I think, "it's said, En-dee-you" -- there's no conflict because the acronym's 'pronunciation' is relatively settled, in that it's not something normally delivered with a self-mocking tone. (Not by an military officer I've ever met, that is!)

[scbutler.livejournal.com]

As you pointed out, it's all in what you hear as you read..

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

Hence the frequent discussion amongst writers about 'writing' dialects -- and my own annoyance when I see people try to 'write' a Southern accent.

Especially after hearing what some (non-Southern) friends thought was the way to write, or read, a word-mangling like (for example) heah for here. *ears implode*

Sob, sob.

However, I suppose in ten more years it may be moot, if we've finally achieved some kind of standardization in the acronyms. I still think it's lazy writing, though.

[scbutler.livejournal.com]

It's incredibly lazy writing, but then I'm the sort who refuses to use acronyms even in email. (And I don't text message.) And, until people actually say, "Oh-em-gee," rather than, "Oh my God," the use of OMG in dialog will never make sense.

[haya5h1.livejournal.com]

I remember sharing a suite once with a pair of girls who talked exactly like that one con... It was all lol and oh-em-gee, all weekend.
...wait, I THINK you were there too, it was when Duo and Sanzo first introduced us to Charlie and Candy Mountain.

I rly h8 that shizzle.

[christeos-pir.livejournal.com]

I remember them. There was a lot of "Oh, snap!" and "Ell-oh-ell!" involved.

Re: I rly h8 that shizzle.

[pixiepilot.livejournal.com]

<_< I apologize for the girls. BUT I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR CANDY MOUNTAIN!! .... not that you're asking me to, I'm just saying. XD;;

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

Don't worry. I think the cause is TOTALLY LOST when it comes to ever recovering from Candy Mountain.

Shunnnnn. Shunnnn! ShunnnnnnnnnnNNUH!

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

Yep! And it was perfect example of what I mean by using the spelled-out-version as a type of humor. They were both fully aware they were using netspeak, and were using it to amp up the humor rather than as serious exclamations. A very self-aware kind of humor, which has its place, but not in written fiction where I'm left baffled -- especially when that kind of self-aware humor would conflict so greatly with the particular context.

[teeheeiambad.livejournal.com]

The only netspeak I use and don't mind if others use, in actual conversation, "TMI". Though, truth be told, I'm not sure if that doesn't predate wide net usage. It might.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

But at the same time, would that be "tee-em-eye" or "too much information"?

Although I don't know if TMI predates internet usage... hmm, y'know, I think it might. I seem to recall it being used in an early episode of Buffy, which would have been '96 or '97? -- and it seems to have lost its self-aware level of ironic humor.

In fact, it stands out to me when someone spells out "too much information" rather than simply "TMI" -- much like my example (above) of using "NDU" instead of "National Defense University" -- that the acronym has become established as acceptable alternative to the actual title/phrase.

However, it's still a sticky enough question that, with my reader-hat on, I'd prefer an author find a creative way around it, and just avoid the "how do I read/hear this" question all the way around.

[teeheeiambad.livejournal.com]

I can flow with it, *if* the acronym is actually used in normal conversation. I'd "hear" it, as the sounding out of the letters/or if the letters have become a word in and of themselves, NORAD, for example, which is just as you mentioned. To just toss out netspeak though, unless you are Lolcating as a joke, is just damn lazy writing, imho.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

NORAD is an excellent example of there being a standard -- we don't say "en-oh-are-ay-dee", after all, we simply say "norad".

Some of those are regional, I'm sure, like UGA (University of Georgia) getting the nickname of "Ugga" rather than "you-gee-ay". And I can't think of the example right now, but I know at least two or three common acronyms have one group that insists it's spelled-out, and another that speaks it -- hrm, I seem to recall SAC (Strategic Air Command) may have gotten that, with some AF folks calling it "sack" and others saying "ess-ay-see".

Netspeak isn't honestly that much worse than military-speak (although laborious to read by dint of unfamiliarity), if we're just talking about the fact that it's a lot of capital letters. It's the fact that there's no standard that tells me how I read/hear it that really reveals that netspeak just hasn't reached the required maturity level (that is, familiarity level within our linguistics mashup) to be used without some kind of explication on the author's part.

Which is sad, really, because it did enough damage to my enjoyment of the story such that when I started hitting significant complaints about plotting and characterization, that I was already dismayed/annoyed enough as it was about the stylistic issues. Pity.

[becauseimscum.livejournal.com]

and here I thought I was the only one bothered by this...

(although, I have to admit, I sometimes use "lol" in actual conversation. (in german, it would sound like "lohl", I guess) but I only use it to mock someone, or when I make a point of showing that something was definitely not funny.)

oh em gee, though, is beyond cruel to read.

[chibidrunksanzo.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I do the same thing. I do say "double-you-tee-eff" or "ell-oh-ell" or "zomg" (pronounced like it's spelled, not "zee-oh-em-gee"), but it's to be silly or mocking.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

"zomg" (pronounced like it's spelled, not "zee-oh-em-gee")

Which again caused slight breakage for me, because I have no idea how that might sound. Is that 'o' long, or short? Why does it sound like there's a dipthong, when I say it?

This would be where the verbatim speech element is just a little too verbatim for the published world, just like trying to mimic accent just makes for a mess on the page. We just don't all 'hear' sounds the same way, and if an author's going to muddle about in pop-culture, the least s/he could do is push the edges and come up with something legible and characterizing without also tripping me up mid-story.

[chibidrunksanzo.livejournal.com]

Hmm, that is a good point. I use a short o sound, and tend to emphasize the "guh" at the end. So, basically, "z-ah-m-guh", but spoken as one syllable, maybe one and a half depending on how much I emphasize the "guh" sound. I only use that one when I'm feeling especially silly.

I agree, though, in writing if your characters are going to use net-speak in their actual speech you have to use a phonetic spelling, not just the acronym letters. There's actually a good example of this in today's "Real Life Comics". http://www.reallifecomics.com/archive/090114.html At this point there's no standard spelling, but somehow I get the feeling we're not many years away from that.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

If nothing else, that comic just crystalized why I don't like spelling out the acronym (instead of just saying what the acronym means): it's like laughing at your own joke. Which, granted, works sometimes, but one key about humor is -- on some level -- being unaware (or a successful pretense of unawareness) that you're quite that funny. In other words, self-aware humor is more likely to go flat as the punch line, I think, unless one's self-aware humor is the punch line.

But you're right, we're moving towards a generalized sense of spelling, but even in some military/govt acronym-using stories, I see characters spelling out acronyms like "NDU" as "En-dee-you" while other acronyms are not spelled out, like "POTUS" (poe-tuss) to indicate where an acronym has become a kind of word in its own right. ZOMG may move towards that, but it's not an easily legible one, still.

[shiegra.livejournal.com]

I was laughing through this whole post. First in a sort of incredulous horror that any author could actually use something like that and still respect themselves in the morning, and then at the 'toaster' remark.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

I could twinge past (and scrub out of my memory) the first two or three acronym usages in the story as temporary stupid editor/author moments. But when I got to that paragraph, it was acronym overload and I came to a complete halt.

What it makes me think of is that kind of self-aware humor that's trying really hard to be cutesy, like middle-aged women talking like small children, that kind of artificiality-as-humor -- except that netspeak then tries to ladle on an additional veneer of 'cool' ... and the conflict between the two is either ironic or just a disaster.

If an author doesn't realize this, I'd expect an editor to, at the very least.

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Wait. Wait. You read this in a book? In an actual distributed and sold piece of literature that went through some kind of publishing process involving an editor and people with eyes and brains?

...I'll just go into that corner over there and despair about the future of our civilization's culture.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

Yes.

AND GET YOUR OWN CORNER.

This one's already taken! Unless you want to help me finish off this entire fifth of alcohol. Maybe b the time I've pickled my brain into submission, none of this will bother me. YEAH RIGHT.

[ndgmtlcd.livejournal.com]

Imagine the fun when a literary translator has to turn that kind of English into something else.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

"OMG," the poster cried, suddenly startled. "Total heddesk liek noaw, PLSKTHXBAI."

*is bricked*

I don't even want to THINK about it. It's just too painful.