this is mongrelheart's fault.

Went back to gym yesterday, complained to manager, and was set up with second trainer for meeting this morning to come up with workout plan. At one point he suggested kettlebells. Which, to be honest, I had no idea what they were. All I knew was that they're something used by crazy people. Like, say, my sole exposure (the aforementioned mongrelheart) being someone who's clearly crazy (in a good way) about athleticism, and when someone crazy like that complains about kettlebells and, uhm, something to do with kettlebells, I make a note that kettlebells = mad-crazy. Turns out they're just round weights with a single handle, instead of the old dumbbell types with the weight on either end of a handle. Oh. Okay. Not so much with the mad-crazy. (Clearly the mad-crazy is just M all on her own.)

Talking to the manager, I finally said (not quite losing my temper but close) that I felt like I'd been patronized (although the trainer's a nice guy so I'm sure he didn't intend to insult me, so much as just carry on with his assumptions about What Women Really Want, or something). When I'd asked about why the plan was for working out twice a week, what else was I supposed to do? The trainer had said, take classes. I told the manager (and told him I'd told the trainer) that if I wanted to do classes, I would've bloody well just done classes and skipped the cost of seeing a trainer. When I explained I don't even want to work with a trainer regularly -- just someone to check in on -- the manager wanted to know why it mattered. I said, because it's like the off-season: the coach gives you goals, and you go away and work towards them, and come back after so long, having met those goals and gone further.

(To the trainer today, I explained it's also because my brain says, "you should be stronger than this!" and my body says, "woah, it's been awhile." Having a trainer follow me around at this point is more humiliation and frustration than positive reinforcement. I need to get to a point where my heart and core are stronger, then I won't feel like a useless lump if/when I work with a trainer.)

Today's new phrase: skinny-fat. I was explaining about my joints, that I can't do the elliptical or the upright bike, or the leg press or squats/lunges, because it makes my knees grind. I can hear the last shreds of cartilege grinding, and while it doesn't hurt per se, it's a clear warning that if I keep going, the coming hurt will put me on my ass, possibly long-term. But! I can walk up stairs without a problem, I can walk all day, and there's no pain. My joints don't ache or swell or any of that stuff. It's just that I don't have much cartilege. So if I can go up the stairs, I guess that means I could try the stairmaster. The trainer scoffed and said, "don't bother with that. All it'll do is make you skinny-fat." (As in, weighing less because what you've got is lightweight fat, not powerful muscle.)

We never did figure out what's the opposite of 'skinny-fat'. Curvy-strong?

ETA: in unrelated news, got a copy of Bite of China, a Chinese show on regional cuisine. (First two episodes subbed in english; more coming, I hear.) OMG. Do not watch if you are even remotely hungry. Sooooooo good. Soooooo droolworthy.

Reason #4 for losing weight: so I can travel overseas and gain it all back by eating my way through various countries & cuisines. Except India. I love Indian cuisine, but I just don't think even with all my dedication that I'd ever be able to handle the spice-heat. When Indian friends say they made their family's dish "mild" just for me, and it still brings me to tears... it's probably a sign. Visiting India would probably be a lot of smelling but avoiding the tasting. Although come to think of it, Thailand would probably be in the same category. Which is okay; first on my list is Taiwan, then Japan, and I'd probably need a decade just for China alone...