Do I still find the person's sense of humor appealing? If I examine their beliefs objectively, is there nothing that makes me gag? I'd reexamine the relationship and whether the other person lied to me or presented themselves as better than they really are, for sure, and I'd be damn paranoid for a while. XD The big one is -- was it deliberate on the part of the person I now love? Are they trying to manipulate me into something via my feelings?
Magical spells and drugs given by lover-person would give me the creeps and I wouldn't feel it's coming from love but from obsession and desire to own me, and fuck that noise. It would bring to mind very strong date-rape associations, I think, except worse in a way because the person made my own mind and feelings betray me. Even if I still FELT I was in love with that person I would reject those feelings violently and refuse to act on them, probably go out of my way to cut off all contact at least until I can get my bearings again.
Instincts, now, those are more likely a part of me, just a deeper one than conscious thought, and there must be something in that person that made my deeper self need them this much, so I'd at least think on it more neutrally/positively.
If someone else was the guilty party I would probably put the lovey-dovey stuff on hold until I can find them and understand their motives. If they did this to me, there must have been a reason. Being in love might feel nice, but what if it's a trap of some kind.
If it was to manipulate me into something -- fuck that noise. I'd get away. If the person I love was a victim too, I'd want to stick close to them, but I still wouldn't want a real relationship before we deal with the issues of the feeling not having come naturally.
If... I don't know, the perpetrator wanted their friend to be happy, I'd still want to be with lover-person but there would be serious levels of "it's him/her or me" or if the guilty party is a hapless idiot then "see them if you must but don't even remind me they exists" for a long while. I'd forgive idiocy a long time before "I KNOW you'll thank me later." I could be able to continue having a relationship.
Spell or drugs, I'd be angry regardless, because it's taking away part of my free will. It depends how permanent it would be, too. You can argue that falling in love is a matter of hormones but at least the infatuation eventually fades and the relationship can continue or not on its own merits. Craving someone's presence for the rest of my life or being prevented from entertaining thoughts of other people would make me resentful. The only way to lessen that would be if the person actually is a good match, but even then there would be lots of doubts and psychoanalyzing the relationship at first.
I'd have a lot less problems with a dormant instinctive reaction, because there would be a sense of "we match on a deeper level than superficial personality." Though I'd have a problem if we match deep down but his personality gets on my nerves/his conscious beliefs are abhorrent/he's some kind of "nice guy"/he thinks that means ownership and has no respect for me. In that case I'd rather live my life alone and lonely than with him.
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Date: 29 Oct 2008 12:00 am (UTC)Magical spells and drugs given by lover-person would give me the creeps and I wouldn't feel it's coming from love but from obsession and desire to own me, and fuck that noise. It would bring to mind very strong date-rape associations, I think, except worse in a way because the person made my own mind and feelings betray me. Even if I still FELT I was in love with that person I would reject those feelings violently and refuse to act on them, probably go out of my way to cut off all contact at least until I can get my bearings again.
Instincts, now, those are more likely a part of me, just a deeper one than conscious thought, and there must be something in that person that made my deeper self need them this much, so I'd at least think on it more neutrally/positively.
If someone else was the guilty party I would probably put the lovey-dovey stuff on hold until I can find them and understand their motives. If they did this to me, there must have been a reason. Being in love might feel nice, but what if it's a trap of some kind.
If it was to manipulate me into something -- fuck that noise. I'd get away. If the person I love was a victim too, I'd want to stick close to them, but I still wouldn't want a real relationship before we deal with the issues of the feeling not having come naturally.
If... I don't know, the perpetrator wanted their friend to be happy, I'd still want to be with lover-person but there would be serious levels of "it's him/her or me" or if the guilty party is a hapless idiot then "see them if you must but don't even remind me they exists" for a long while. I'd forgive idiocy a long time before "I KNOW you'll thank me later." I could be able to continue having a relationship.
Spell or drugs, I'd be angry regardless, because it's taking away part of my free will. It depends how permanent it would be, too. You can argue that falling in love is a matter of hormones but at least the infatuation eventually fades and the relationship can continue or not on its own merits. Craving someone's presence for the rest of my life or being prevented from entertaining thoughts of other people would make me resentful. The only way to lessen that would be if the person actually is a good match, but even then there would be lots of doubts and psychoanalyzing the relationship at first.
I'd have a lot less problems with a dormant instinctive reaction, because there would be a sense of "we match on a deeper level than superficial personality." Though I'd have a problem if we match deep down but his personality gets on my nerves/his conscious beliefs are abhorrent/he's some kind of "nice guy"/he thinks that means ownership and has no respect for me. In that case I'd rather live my life alone and lonely than with him.