At work, though, that's a different situation. (I've been talking only of social situations.) When I've worked with other Southerners, the phrasing will be truncated but the politeness remains: "Do this, please," or "When you get a chance, do this." If it's a direct order, it's still buffered by "please".
In social situations, though... if someone gives me a direct order, it doesn't matter whether I would've done that anyway -- I still have the kneejerk reaction of, "what am I, your freaking servant?" The buffering clauses -- "if you don't mind," and "if you could," and so on are all ways to make it absolutely clear that you're asking a favor. Although much of the speech pattern is setting you up or guiding you towards a "yes"... it's also giving you lots of outs. It's not a direct order, so you don't have to give a direct reply.
I've never really thought about this before, but I wonder now if this may have something to do with the post-slavery era, when blacks and whites were living side-by-side by no longer of obvious up/down social status. (That is, that skin color could no longer automatically determine who got to do the ordering -- not saying the assumption wasn't there, only that it wasn't necessarily always as clear cut, maybe.) Perhaps the excessive "making it very clear this isn't an order but a favor, if you wouldn't mind" kind of phrasing was meant to prompt someone to do something... but without the overtones of "you MUST do this" that might've existed previously.
I have several books on dialects of the US, but I don't think I have any on the history of those dialects. I'd be curious to see if the begging-the-yes style developed during Reconstruction, or at some point after that, or if it existed during the Antebellum period.
As for the "my, it's so hot," example... actually, I'm with you. My grandmother was visiting when I was in grade school, and she sat on the sofa and said that, at least three times. My sister and I were like, "yes, it is hot!" And completely missed every honking clue that "goodness, makes a body parched" really meant, "OFFER ME WATER!" Later, my grandmother got mad at my mother for raising such rude children, to which Mom said, "Mother, I raised perfectly polite children, but I didn't raise mindreaders. If you want a glass, say so, and if no one offers, GO GET YOURSELF ONE."
Ehehehe. Gramma, needless to say, was NOT impressed. *eyeroll*
no subject
Date: 13 Jan 2011 05:21 pm (UTC)In social situations, though... if someone gives me a direct order, it doesn't matter whether I would've done that anyway -- I still have the kneejerk reaction of, "what am I, your freaking servant?" The buffering clauses -- "if you don't mind," and "if you could," and so on are all ways to make it absolutely clear that you're asking a favor. Although much of the speech pattern is setting you up or guiding you towards a "yes"... it's also giving you lots of outs. It's not a direct order, so you don't have to give a direct reply.
I've never really thought about this before, but I wonder now if this may have something to do with the post-slavery era, when blacks and whites were living side-by-side by no longer of obvious up/down social status. (That is, that skin color could no longer automatically determine who got to do the ordering -- not saying the assumption wasn't there, only that it wasn't necessarily always as clear cut, maybe.) Perhaps the excessive "making it very clear this isn't an order but a favor, if you wouldn't mind" kind of phrasing was meant to prompt someone to do something... but without the overtones of "you MUST do this" that might've existed previously.
I have several books on dialects of the US, but I don't think I have any on the history of those dialects. I'd be curious to see if the begging-the-yes style developed during Reconstruction, or at some point after that, or if it existed during the Antebellum period.
As for the "my, it's so hot," example... actually, I'm with you. My grandmother was visiting when I was in grade school, and she sat on the sofa and said that, at least three times. My sister and I were like, "yes, it is hot!" And completely missed every honking clue that "goodness, makes a body parched" really meant, "OFFER ME WATER!" Later, my grandmother got mad at my mother for raising such rude children, to which Mom said, "Mother, I raised perfectly polite children, but I didn't raise mindreaders. If you want a glass, say so, and if no one offers, GO GET YOURSELF ONE."
Ehehehe. Gramma, needless to say, was NOT impressed. *eyeroll*