The female-speech pattern is something I have seen in women's speech in lots of places. Most of the time, the difference I've noted is that when a woman doesn't use that pattern, she's not penalized, while in the South, not using it will get you major ruffled feathers. Elsewhere, it's a personality quirk, not a required pattern... plus, men will also use the pattern in the South, and it's really not a pattern I've seen men use anywhere else I've travelled in the US.
I've heard variations on that pattern where I've lived in the US (PA and CT), but it's briefer, even brusquer in comparison to what you describe: usually just prefacing a sentence with "Would you mind -" or "could you". I'm specifically thinking of a couple bosses I've had in Philly, both born&bred in the area. So, similar, but toned down. And like you say, I can't imagine a woman being penalized for telling a subordinate "When you're done with that, do this" or "You need to do this" or whatever. In fact, I got a bit irritated that one of my bosses had a tendency to be indirect. And if you want a drink or whatever, I read it as passive-aggressive to not just *say* so and in some social situations I'll just be like "where are the glasses?" and get my own drink of water (usually with peers; if I were, say, meeting a friend's parents I'd be less likely to do it but would take my cues as to formality from them). Though it's useful to know how the expectations are different regionally. I think in my case, it's a combination of personality & culture: I really really don't like guessing what someone wants, and I like to be direct when asking for things.
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Date: 13 Jan 2011 05:06 pm (UTC)I've heard variations on that pattern where I've lived in the US (PA and CT), but it's briefer, even brusquer in comparison to what you describe: usually just prefacing a sentence with "Would you mind -" or "could you". I'm specifically thinking of a couple bosses I've had in Philly, both born&bred in the area. So, similar, but toned down. And like you say, I can't imagine a woman being penalized for telling a subordinate "When you're done with that, do this" or "You need to do this" or whatever. In fact, I got a bit irritated that one of my bosses had a tendency to be indirect. And if you want a drink or whatever, I read it as passive-aggressive to not just *say* so and in some social situations I'll just be like "where are the glasses?" and get my own drink of water (usually with peers; if I were, say, meeting a friend's parents I'd be less likely to do it but would take my cues as to formality from them). Though it's useful to know how the expectations are different regionally. I think in my case, it's a combination of personality & culture: I really really don't like guessing what someone wants, and I like to be direct when asking for things.