aaaaaand... delayed author reaction!

[kaigou]

I probably shouldn't find this so amusing, but I do. Okay, I take that back. I have every right to find this amusing.

On September 29TH, 2007 -- did you miss that? we're talking almost three years ago -- I posted a novel critique: for those times when wiki just ain't enough. It's linked over on the sidebar (on my DW layout) because it remains a fond favorite for no reason other than how the story is an absolute wealth of amusement on all the ways exoticization -- of another culture and of the inscrutable homosexual -- can lead you wrong, though when writing the review I was too busy being amused in general to bother with the fancy words for the philosophical side of things.

Tonight, I got this anonymous reply. Not only did I write this post thirty-one months ago, it was also on a different journal-site, and before I changed to my current username, even! I mean, hell, that's positively ancient, in internet time.

DATE: 2010-04-07 12:09 AM (LOCAL)
From: (Anonymous) IP Address: (65.8.149.146)
I get it. You hated the book. There were many inaccuracies. First of all, I did a shitload of research and not just wikipedia. Second it was only my second m/m and first mystery ever written. Three years later I would pull the book and rework it to be more correct but I'm not in a position to do that. Third, if you've never tried writing a mystery novel, try it and see how hard it is and then maybe you'll cut a writer a bit more slack. You sound like a raving anal-retentive lunatic!

No, sweetie, I sound like someone absolutely enthralled with the trainwreck of a story I'd read, and glorying in all the ways the story was so terribly, atrociously, hysterically, inaccurate. (Unless, of course, Ms Not Entirely Anonymous really does mean to direct her comment to the other reviewer who'd replied to my post, which makes no sense seeing how the reviewer wasn't on LJ thus had to sign it anonymously, and thus will probably never even see this reply.)

I bring this up so we can all use it as an object lesson: when you are published, DO NOT RESPOND TO NEGATIVE REVIEWS. You're just asking for it. Really. All you're gonna get is a whole lotta people laughing at you. They're already laughing at you thanks to the negative review -- this happens to all of us, face it, it's a rite of passage or a flaming hoop for publishing anything anywhere -- but now your little tantrum is only going to add fuel to the fire.

(Exception: if you can manage humor, preferably at yourself, then go right ahead and respond to negative reviews! See one witty response to low-grade reviews on SBTB for example of how to do it right.)

But an equally important reason to remain silent on negative reviews is because the only thing you achieve by answering is drawing more attention to the negative review.

Frankly, I'd mostly forgotten about the review, and the book, for that matter. But this sudden defensive reaction has me not just going back and rereading to figure out what post is getting this comment -- it's now got me mentioning it as a point of humor to an entire circle of readers who weren't even around when I first posted that review. That's right! Reminding me of the review gets the result of me in turn reminding readers who'd seen it, and linking to it for the benefit of all the folks on my dwircle and flist, not to mention on my network and foaf-pages! It's like exponential reminder badness!

Being an author -- in terms of one's interaction with the public -- is a lot like being a cat, I've figured out. When you forget yourself for a moment (or for an entire book) and do the equivalent of raising your leg to lick your own ass and then promptly fall off the sofa, you do not pop up with fur flying to hiss at the humans laughing at you. No, a public-skilled author is like a cat, barely a ruffle and at most an attitude of, I meant to do that. Perhaps a bit of self-grooming just to look like the cat, err, author is simply Too Busy to deign to react to the silly humans' reactions, and then a calm and self-possessed stroll from the room, tail in air. No words are needed for the cat to make it clear that We Will Never Discuss This Again.

The authors I respect as professionals, that's pretty much how they react to negative reviews, at least publicly: they don't give those reviews the time of day, because doing so is only guaranteed to make the humans laugh even harder.

Let this be a lesson to you, kids. Don't go replying to negative reviews -- and if you do, keep in mind that taking three years to get around to (a) discovering the review and (b) getting all self-righteous is only going to lead to (c) a bunch of folks rediscovering the fun all over again. Which, I would hope, is not the author's intended outcome.

[I especially like the part about "try and write a mystery novel"... because I have, and I find it a lot easier if you write it without excessive references to wispy hair. What kind of hair, you ask? Why, just read the review to find out!]

ETA: and another response, in comments, scroll down to enjoy. *rolls eyes*
ETA 2: please remember to sign your comment if you're replying anon... well, unless it's really obvious who you are. And I mean really obvious.

Comments

[haya5h1]

OH HILARITY. You know, this just proves that she was fourteen when she wrote that... that... *falls over laughing*

[mechacharibdys]

omg. I ... re-read that review whenever I feel bad about my own writing. I feel slightly ashamed, although not enough to stop doing reading it.

Also, not just replying out of anger, but replying ANON? Classy!

[manifesta]

Hmmm... someone must've learned how to use Google Alerts.

See some of the wittier responses to low-grade reviews on SBTB for examples of how to do it right.

Very true.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't usually respond to negative reviews. I'm aware of the book's fault but for some reason, I had an off moment. Truth to tell, I didn't realize what I was getting into when I started to write that story and I know now. I'm not saying I wouldn't have written it but I would have waited until I knew more about the culture before writing it. I do'nt write about wispy hair anymore and actually I did see your review three years ago. I hadn't seen the date of the entry I responded to until after I wrote it.

However, about Toshiro Mifune - he lived in Manchurian as part of a colony of Japanese citizens, who during the war were relocated to Japan many of them. Also, Mifune flew for Japan and returned to Japan after the war where his acting career began accidentally when he went to the film studio to apply for a job there, not as an actor. He was Japanese, not Manchurian even though he'd lived there. Moreover, it didn't seem like a huge stretch that the character would be named for him considering Mifune was one of Japan's great treasures and his collaboration with Akira Kurosawa went a long way toward restoring JApan's dignity in the world view after WWII.

As for real estate, I spent a good deal of time poring through real estate in Japan and found there are 2 bedroom apartments there for sale. It wasn't just something I made up.

Yes, I made plenty of errors as your knowledge points out but to some degree your criticism bordered on slander, saying I didn't research. I did hours and hours of research and not just wikipedia. I put a lot of work and a lot of care into writing the book. I just wish I hadn't been so inexperienced writing it. If I wrote it now, I might even have passed muster with you! I didn't mean to invade your blog with what you probably consider nonsense but I've always wanted to at least pointo out those few points to you and refrained from it all this time.

[chibidrunksanzo]

"I worked really, really hard on this so you can just shut up and I'm taking my toys home!!"

[pseudo_tsuga]

I just took Tokugawa History last quarter for general requirements so the shogun bit was the one that made me laugh the most. Dude, if even yaoi manga is more accurate then you, then you need to research more.

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Maybe this reaction is what she wanted? Negative attention is still attention, after all.

[tesserae]

I wonder if she realizes that a writer has to get the contextual/cultural details right for *all* genres, not just mysteries? Yes, finishing a book is hard, but it's certainly easier when you can make shit up to support your plot/characterization instead of, you know, trying to color within the lines.

(Having said that, from her wording in the comment here, her grip on the English language seems a little uncertain; I wonder if English is her first language?)

[christeos-pir.livejournal.com]

Kawaisou.

[roseya19]

Oh my... OH MY!!!
*dies laughing at review*
Don't know how I missed that the first time around, but I thank you mightily for the link and the amusement to start my day. And your author/cat/negative review behavior advice is probably the best I've seen. Publicizing one's wounded ego is just asking for more of the same from all those "heartless reviewers"... yeah. But hey, like mikkeneko said, attention, even negative attention, is still attention, and maybe that's the point. (Though wounded-ego-author would never admit to that, I'm sure.)

[annotated_em]

...the metaphor of the cat who Meant To Do That is perfect.

[irrelevant]

So I, um, feeling really bad for giggling, but. The cat metaphor was inspired. After that, all the snark sort of caught me off balance. *still giggling*

[mishalak]

Hey, at least you didn't have the author trying to sockpuppet you into retracting after you posted a negative review of their online serial blog novel after the author spammed your journal to promote it. That was a classic moment for me.