fic: Hell, No!
6 Jul 2006 10:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaigouAnd here we go.
Hell, No!
rating: PG-13 for implied adult situations
pairing: oh, come on, what do you think?
...wait, don't answer that.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead, or cartoon characters, is purely intentional. Err.
Warden Notes
In re: Prisoner 0201-9323
cc: file for Prisoner 0102-9348
A pair known as the Zero-Dog gang, Prisoner 0102-9348 is known as Zero to her unlucky victims. Prisoner 0201-9323 has been known to chop off the fingers of those who call her Alien Dog in her hearing. Zero can be identified by her twenty-seven tattoos, all of which feature the same two men, with scroll work covering any potential exposure, many with phrases such as "hands off" and "back off" and "all his". Prisoner 0201-9323, Dog, has no tattoos but instead over forty piercings; charms dangle from each with the same set of numbers and letters each time: 1X2X1. Neither woman has been forthcoming about the meaning, but their lawyer insists it's a form of religious expression. Officer Benson has been asked to look into this cult, because the excessive metal jewelry is setting off alarms and making it almost impossible to keep the peace anytime Dog goes down to the yard. Both are to be considered dangerous and unpredictable, and to be kept in maximum security at the north end of the compound during the appeal process.
An attached sticky note says, in scribbled handwriting:
Mary, can you please do something about that crowd at the front gate?
Eight o'clock news, Channel 7 transcript
"Good evening, I'm James Kirkland, here at the Darlian Women's Prison, the scene of nearly a riot earlier this afternoon. These women you see behind me are calling for the release of two hardened criminals, which these supporters have begun calling the Gundam Wing Two."
[Chants in background:] "FREE THE GUNDAM WING TWO! DOWN WITH THE OPPRESSORS!"
J: "I asked Ms's Windsor and Muskrit, the organizers, if they could spare a few moments to explain their position. Good evening—"
M: "My name's Muskrit, and I demand that these women be released. Immediately! This is a travesty!"
J: "Err, yes. Are you aware of why they've been—"
W: "It's not a crime to write smut about underage boys."
J: "Technically, Ms. Windsor, that's correct, but—"
M: "Release them, or I'll make my chin wobble!"
J: "Err."
W: "You don't want her to do it. It's powerful magic."
Crowd: "FREE THE GUNDAM WING TWO!"
J: "However, they've been tried and convicted, and their defense was solely that they were overcome by the...ahem, I quote, pretty boys."
M: "With good reason."
J: "Yes, but, these are...cartoon characters."
W: "So?"
M: "So?"
Crowd: "SHUN THE UNBELIEVER! SHUN! SHUNNNNNNNNNNNN!"
J: "Uh, yes. Ahem. Pressing on, what kind of good do you hope to achieve by this—"
M: "Spectacle? Brouhaha? Fiasco?"
W: "I like fiasco."
M: "Thank you."
J: "I was going to say event."
M: "You could. I wouldn't."
W: "We hope to—"
Crowd: [falls completely silent]
J: "Is something happening?"
M: [awed silence]
J: "A car appears to be pulling up to the gate, but I can't make out the driver or passenger. The Gundam Wing Two are already inside the prison, and I'm not certain—"
Crowd: SHHHHHHH.
J: [makes an inarticulate sqawking sound]
M: "Shut up already! You don't have to narrate everything."
J: "It's just some guards arriving for work."
M: "Pleistocene."
W: "Philistine, babe."
M: "That was my next guess."
Crowd: [exhales in one audible sigh as the gates close behind the car]
W: "I don't...I don't believe it."
J: "Pardon? Ladies?"
M: "We have to go."
W: "We need to get a message to the GW-oh-two, pronto."
M: "Right."
J: "Excuse me, ladies, the interview—"
W: "Not now, James, we're busy."
J: "I see. Ah, well, Michael, you can see the situation here is volatile, and as unpredictable as the Zero-Dog gang is reported to be, themselves. I'll keep you post—"
M: "Don't forget! FOOD is for EATING."
J: "Right. Uhm. Back to you, Michael."
-end transcript-
Observation Report, with transcript, 1300 hours, cell 457-A
cc: County Prosecutor, M. Kushrenada, Esq.
Zero sat on the edge of the lower bunk, painting her fingernails, while Dog paced. There was some discussion about the size of the crowd remaining at the front gates, and although the two women appeared to recognize a number of people in the crowd, neither allowed any names to slip, nor did either indicate how they might know their supporters. The curious point occurred at 1317 hours, mark 783.92 on the tape. Zero is discussing the confiscation of her Doe John or Doe Jin collection (notify prosecutor about possible stash), while Dog paces.
At 1318 hours, Dog paused by the window, as Zero complained about the lack of view. Dog saw something outside the window and declared the view to be quite fine. After nearly a minute of gesturing wildly to Zero, without breaking her attention from the scene outside the cell window, Zero joined Dog at the window. Both women grew very silent, watching for over twelve full minutes without a word passing between them.
At 1330 hours, both women returned to their bunks, completely silent, and did not speak again until three minutes before their dinners were to arrive. At that point, Zero said only, "they'll help." Dog did not respond.
Despite studying the tapes before, during, and after this incident, no further comprehension of the event or meaning has been discerned. Guard Williams noted the Zero-Dog pair's window overlooks the men's prison next door. Have asked for their assistance in identifying any person or persons in the south end of the men's prison compound between 1315 and 1345 hours on the date in question.
In re: Prisoners 0201-9323 and 0102-9348
Dear Ms. Kushrenada,
Please be informed that two more incidents have occurred, though the guards have been instructed repeatedly to observe their lawyer's request to avoid the phrase. The violence is escalating; this time Guard O'Reilly's eardrums burst after she spoke in the Zero-Dog pair's hearing. O'Reilly insists she did not impugn their pairing, though she may have used the phrase "dastardly duo." This seems to have prompted cries of rage reaching dolphinic proportions, of which the other guards could barely make out such retorts as "don't bastardize him," and "down with your fanon" as the two women cornered O'Reilly by the mop sinks.
You'd promised to bring me any information on the cult these women belong to, so I could educate my guards. I've lost two guards already, one to hearing loss and the other to nervous prostration, apparently from the Zero-Dog pair's tendency to smile knowingly, a phrase I've yet to decipher. Please, if you have found anything, I'd really appreciate it. Even a little information is better than ignorantly triggering such violent tendencies.
Sincerely,
T. Dutton, warden
Guard Report
In re: Prisoner 0201-9323
cc: file for Prisoner 0102-9348
The Gundam supporters delivered a cake to the prison at 1100 hours, with request that it be delivered to the Zero-Dog pair. Upon xraying the cake, it was discovered not to hold files, weapons, or any other means of escape, but instead two long-range high-powered binoculars. Guards Singh and Robertson dismantled the binoculars and determined them to be unaltered versions of binoculars sold at the local Target. The items were delivered to the two prisoners, who have since been watching in shifts from their window, without break.
Still no indication of what they might be observing. Men's prison is not being forthcoming on their schedule for prisoners in the yard.
In re: Prisoners 0201-9323 and 0102-9348
Dear Mr. Dutton,
Quite frankly, the two women — and their supporters — are on crack. There's no other explanation, and in fact, they parrot this reason quite proudly. I suggest you search the room for drug paraphernalia. Current investigations by the Drug Enforcement Administration suggest they may distribute this crack via short stories, in which they embed the drugs in the printer's ink. Therefore I would recommend that you do not burn whatever you confiscate.
Good luck.
Sincerely,
M. Kushrenada, Esq.
County Prosecutor
Okay, now about those raccoons...
Hell, No!
rating: PG-13 for implied adult situations
pairing: oh, come on, what do you think?
...wait, don't answer that.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead, or cartoon characters, is purely intentional. Err.
Warden Notes
In re: Prisoner 0201-9323
cc: file for Prisoner 0102-9348
A pair known as the Zero-Dog gang, Prisoner 0102-9348 is known as Zero to her unlucky victims. Prisoner 0201-9323 has been known to chop off the fingers of those who call her Alien Dog in her hearing. Zero can be identified by her twenty-seven tattoos, all of which feature the same two men, with scroll work covering any potential exposure, many with phrases such as "hands off" and "back off" and "all his". Prisoner 0201-9323, Dog, has no tattoos but instead over forty piercings; charms dangle from each with the same set of numbers and letters each time: 1X2X1. Neither woman has been forthcoming about the meaning, but their lawyer insists it's a form of religious expression. Officer Benson has been asked to look into this cult, because the excessive metal jewelry is setting off alarms and making it almost impossible to keep the peace anytime Dog goes down to the yard. Both are to be considered dangerous and unpredictable, and to be kept in maximum security at the north end of the compound during the appeal process.
An attached sticky note says, in scribbled handwriting:
Mary, can you please do something about that crowd at the front gate?
Eight o'clock news, Channel 7 transcript
"Good evening, I'm James Kirkland, here at the Darlian Women's Prison, the scene of nearly a riot earlier this afternoon. These women you see behind me are calling for the release of two hardened criminals, which these supporters have begun calling the Gundam Wing Two."
[Chants in background:] "FREE THE GUNDAM WING TWO! DOWN WITH THE OPPRESSORS!"
J: "I asked Ms's Windsor and Muskrit, the organizers, if they could spare a few moments to explain their position. Good evening—"
M: "My name's Muskrit, and I demand that these women be released. Immediately! This is a travesty!"
J: "Err, yes. Are you aware of why they've been—"
W: "It's not a crime to write smut about underage boys."
J: "Technically, Ms. Windsor, that's correct, but—"
M: "Release them, or I'll make my chin wobble!"
J: "Err."
W: "You don't want her to do it. It's powerful magic."
Crowd: "FREE THE GUNDAM WING TWO!"
J: "However, they've been tried and convicted, and their defense was solely that they were overcome by the...ahem, I quote, pretty boys."
M: "With good reason."
J: "Yes, but, these are...cartoon characters."
W: "So?"
M: "So?"
Crowd: "SHUN THE UNBELIEVER! SHUN! SHUNNNNNNNNNNNN!"
J: "Uh, yes. Ahem. Pressing on, what kind of good do you hope to achieve by this—"
M: "Spectacle? Brouhaha? Fiasco?"
W: "I like fiasco."
M: "Thank you."
J: "I was going to say event."
M: "You could. I wouldn't."
W: "We hope to—"
Crowd: [falls completely silent]
J: "Is something happening?"
M: [awed silence]
J: "A car appears to be pulling up to the gate, but I can't make out the driver or passenger. The Gundam Wing Two are already inside the prison, and I'm not certain—"
Crowd: SHHHHHHH.
J: [makes an inarticulate sqawking sound]
M: "Shut up already! You don't have to narrate everything."
J: "It's just some guards arriving for work."
M: "Pleistocene."
W: "Philistine, babe."
M: "That was my next guess."
Crowd: [exhales in one audible sigh as the gates close behind the car]
W: "I don't...I don't believe it."
J: "Pardon? Ladies?"
M: "We have to go."
W: "We need to get a message to the GW-oh-two, pronto."
M: "Right."
J: "Excuse me, ladies, the interview—"
W: "Not now, James, we're busy."
J: "I see. Ah, well, Michael, you can see the situation here is volatile, and as unpredictable as the Zero-Dog gang is reported to be, themselves. I'll keep you post—"
M: "Don't forget! FOOD is for EATING."
J: "Right. Uhm. Back to you, Michael."
-end transcript-
Observation Report, with transcript, 1300 hours, cell 457-A
cc: County Prosecutor, M. Kushrenada, Esq.
Zero sat on the edge of the lower bunk, painting her fingernails, while Dog paced. There was some discussion about the size of the crowd remaining at the front gates, and although the two women appeared to recognize a number of people in the crowd, neither allowed any names to slip, nor did either indicate how they might know their supporters. The curious point occurred at 1317 hours, mark 783.92 on the tape. Zero is discussing the confiscation of her Doe John or Doe Jin collection (notify prosecutor about possible stash), while Dog paces.
At 1318 hours, Dog paused by the window, as Zero complained about the lack of view. Dog saw something outside the window and declared the view to be quite fine. After nearly a minute of gesturing wildly to Zero, without breaking her attention from the scene outside the cell window, Zero joined Dog at the window. Both women grew very silent, watching for over twelve full minutes without a word passing between them.
At 1330 hours, both women returned to their bunks, completely silent, and did not speak again until three minutes before their dinners were to arrive. At that point, Zero said only, "they'll help." Dog did not respond.
Despite studying the tapes before, during, and after this incident, no further comprehension of the event or meaning has been discerned. Guard Williams noted the Zero-Dog pair's window overlooks the men's prison next door. Have asked for their assistance in identifying any person or persons in the south end of the men's prison compound between 1315 and 1345 hours on the date in question.
In re: Prisoners 0201-9323 and 0102-9348
Dear Ms. Kushrenada,
Please be informed that two more incidents have occurred, though the guards have been instructed repeatedly to observe their lawyer's request to avoid the phrase. The violence is escalating; this time Guard O'Reilly's eardrums burst after she spoke in the Zero-Dog pair's hearing. O'Reilly insists she did not impugn their pairing, though she may have used the phrase "dastardly duo." This seems to have prompted cries of rage reaching dolphinic proportions, of which the other guards could barely make out such retorts as "don't bastardize him," and "down with your fanon" as the two women cornered O'Reilly by the mop sinks.
You'd promised to bring me any information on the cult these women belong to, so I could educate my guards. I've lost two guards already, one to hearing loss and the other to nervous prostration, apparently from the Zero-Dog pair's tendency to smile knowingly, a phrase I've yet to decipher. Please, if you have found anything, I'd really appreciate it. Even a little information is better than ignorantly triggering such violent tendencies.
Sincerely,
T. Dutton, warden
Guard Report
In re: Prisoner 0201-9323
cc: file for Prisoner 0102-9348
The Gundam supporters delivered a cake to the prison at 1100 hours, with request that it be delivered to the Zero-Dog pair. Upon xraying the cake, it was discovered not to hold files, weapons, or any other means of escape, but instead two long-range high-powered binoculars. Guards Singh and Robertson dismantled the binoculars and determined them to be unaltered versions of binoculars sold at the local Target. The items were delivered to the two prisoners, who have since been watching in shifts from their window, without break.
Still no indication of what they might be observing. Men's prison is not being forthcoming on their schedule for prisoners in the yard.
In re: Prisoners 0201-9323 and 0102-9348
Dear Mr. Dutton,
Quite frankly, the two women — and their supporters — are on crack. There's no other explanation, and in fact, they parrot this reason quite proudly. I suggest you search the room for drug paraphernalia. Current investigations by the Drug Enforcement Administration suggest they may distribute this crack via short stories, in which they embed the drugs in the printer's ink. Therefore I would recommend that you do not burn whatever you confiscate.
Good luck.
Sincerely,
M. Kushrenada, Esq.
County Prosecutor
Okay, now about those raccoons...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2006 04:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2006 05:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2006 07:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2006 08:40 am (UTC)*dies laughing* I wish I could deny that I would think that when I hear "dastardly duo." ^______^