Very good points. I realized that kind of pattern after posting, and figured I'd try to be concise, for once. (After all, it would've taken me five pages to say what you just said in five paragraphs so THANK YOU, can I just refer folks to this reply, instead?)
I think the universal part of it is that when we hear things, we naturally think it's something About Us. Why else would someone tell us, unless it's an issue within our control? It just takes a lot of confidence and security on a person's part, to be able to say, okay, this is Not About Me. But I don't blame anyone for having that reaction right off the bat, especially since the majority of the time (for other topics related to relationships), it's a perfectly appropriate reaction, y'know?
[I should also disclose, I suppose, that I do #4 all the time. I think the more someone was raised with academic and/or teacher-like parents, the more likely a person is to use teaching-as-affection. I can now pinpoint other teachers' kids thanks to them showing the same traits. Doesn't change the fact that it's annoying and patronizing, though, especially if the lecture comes with, as you noted, the expectation that the lecturee will reward the lecturer by following instructions.]
no subject
Date: 4 Jan 2009 12:31 am (UTC)I think the universal part of it is that when we hear things, we naturally think it's something About Us. Why else would someone tell us, unless it's an issue within our control? It just takes a lot of confidence and security on a person's part, to be able to say, okay, this is Not About Me. But I don't blame anyone for having that reaction right off the bat, especially since the majority of the time (for other topics related to relationships), it's a perfectly appropriate reaction, y'know?
[I should also disclose, I suppose, that I do #4 all the time. I think the more someone was raised with academic and/or teacher-like parents, the more likely a person is to use teaching-as-affection. I can now pinpoint other teachers' kids thanks to them showing the same traits. Doesn't change the fact that it's annoying and patronizing, though, especially if the lecture comes with, as you noted, the expectation that the lecturee will reward the lecturer by following instructions.]