See what I said to GS, above, about #1. It's not that the reactions are necessarily bad in and of themselves, just that they're not always the most constructive (even if they are honest).
I agree about #5. It's got to be the most painful kind of reaction to experience, and it's one reason I don't have a close friend in Australia anymore. How am I supposed to react to that kind of reaction, except by backing down and getting the hell out of there? Combine it with the false promises of #8 and you've got the makings of a really bad burn.
Do give yourself kudos for at least being able to recognize that #7 is really a hurtful reaction. I'm not the only person I know who fell for that time and again, thinking the person was 'helping' and not realizing the message buried under there. (I think it's a friend-version of the more intimate family/lover phrase, "I'm only telling you this because I love you..." kind of crap.) It takes a lot of self-awareness to be able to say, wait a minute, you're feeding me a line, here.
Although I think in the future I may take to just telling people outright, "no, no, this is where you say, what can I do to help you? and then you SHUT UP while I answer, okay? JUST SAY IT ALREADY, so we can get on with things!"
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Date: 3 Jan 2009 05:44 am (UTC)I agree about #5. It's got to be the most painful kind of reaction to experience, and it's one reason I don't have a close friend in Australia anymore. How am I supposed to react to that kind of reaction, except by backing down and getting the hell out of there? Combine it with the false promises of #8 and you've got the makings of a really bad burn.
Do give yourself kudos for at least being able to recognize that #7 is really a hurtful reaction. I'm not the only person I know who fell for that time and again, thinking the person was 'helping' and not realizing the message buried under there. (I think it's a friend-version of the more intimate family/lover phrase, "I'm only telling you this because I love you..." kind of crap.) It takes a lot of self-awareness to be able to say, wait a minute, you're feeding me a line, here.
Although I think in the future I may take to just telling people outright, "no, no, this is where you say, what can I do to help you? and then you SHUT UP while I answer, okay? JUST SAY IT ALREADY, so we can get on with things!"
Heh.