Dear Hollywood Producer:
I grew up reading
The Dark is Rising series, and had minor hopes you wouldn't pull a Jackson halfway through the book (in re Faramir), but I certainly never expected this. I must say, do you intend to preface the movie with a thirty-second clip consisting of an apology to fans over the past forty years, and perhaps a warning that if one liked the book, one may -- if not most likely -- detest the movie, and for this fact you are most sincerely apologetic?
It's possible, of course, that you didn't actually
read the book. I'm willing to give that creedence, given you seem to have missed some incredibly important details. Like, say, the fact that Will Staunton is -- I'm not making this up, but am in full seriousness here -- BRITISH.
Yes. What a shocker. British. Who would've thought it?
Although, I'm willing to consider that at some point, someone did point this out. I can only guess that you must have argued that for a movie to be popular in America, it must have an American face, an American accent, an American perspective. You have no idea how mistaken you are, and I can prove that point in
two three words.
Harry. Frickin'. Potter.
( Or maybe you only read the synopsis, and this explains why the only similarity I can find between movie and book are in sharing a title. ) Okay, maybe you shouldn't bother with a thirty-second recorded clip extending your deepest apologies to any long-term fans. You're right, it's probably too late for that. I suggest you contact the FBI instead, and see how much it'll cost you to get into their protection program.
You're going to need it.
Nolove,
me.
PS: from the cast listing on IMDB:
Jim Piddock ... George
Mark Donovan ... Fight Promoter
Stephen Evans ... Trickster
Where's Dawson? Or John Wayland Smith? Who the hell are
these characters, and what are they doing in one of my favorite storylines? Maybe someone else can explain this. I'll be back to find out if so, but in the meantime, I must go find my happy place.
Which today happens to be: in the LIBRARY, with a GLASS OF WINE, reading the REAL THING.
*gnashes teeth*