Yes, I find it annoying and unbelievable when one of a pair is Alpha in all situations. First of all, why would anyone want to be Alpha all the time? That's boring and stressful by turns unless one enjoys the power trip. If the character is in it solely for the control, either to protect themselves or for enjoyment, I respect that less--it's a weakness. If they think they have to be Alpha all the time to protect others, it's worse because that's self-delusion with a side of egotism. You can't even be Alpha all the time with kids-the natural Betas don't learn independence, while the natural Alphas will spend all their time rebelling if you don't share responsiblity. It's bad.
I think, in a healthy relationship, the partners switch off being Alpha in different venues. The hard part is figuring out where to step in an where to shut up. Depending on how it's written, I can see the situation of the Alpha evaluating her partner's performance across the room being either: A: totally patronizing. She is so caught up in her role as Alpha that she can't see a possible switch occurring. He's going to fuck up and she has to go over and stop it. B: protective oversight. She continues to identify with her role as Alpha, and views the situation as one she is monitoring from above. Still patronizing as all hell, because she's not seeing her partner as more than a special minion who may perform well or may need her to take control. She WANTS control though, and may need to remind herself not to take it. C: protective wingman/second. She sees that her partner is in control of the situation. Whether he handles that well or not is up to him, but since he began that interaction as Alpha, it's his turn unless he overtly indicates he wants her to take over. She may go over and play the role of backup, but that's all.
A is obviously bad, but still around as a scenario in many novels. B is still bad, but there's a lot of gray area between B and C. I don't have answers about the gray area; it would depend on how the story was written.
no subject
Date: 19 Sep 2008 09:22 pm (UTC)I think, in a healthy relationship, the partners switch off being Alpha in different venues. The hard part is figuring out where to step in an where to shut up. Depending on how it's written, I can see the situation of the Alpha evaluating her partner's performance across the room being either:
A: totally patronizing. She is so caught up in her role as Alpha that she can't see a possible switch occurring. He's going to fuck up and she has to go over and stop it.
B: protective oversight. She continues to identify with her role as Alpha, and views the situation as one she is monitoring from above. Still patronizing as all hell, because she's not seeing her partner as more than a special minion who may perform well or may need her to take control. She WANTS control though, and may need to remind herself not to take it.
C: protective wingman/second. She sees that her partner is in control of the situation. Whether he handles that well or not is up to him, but since he began that interaction as Alpha, it's his turn unless he overtly indicates he wants her to take over. She may go over and play the role of backup, but that's all.
A is obviously bad, but still around as a scenario in many novels. B is still bad, but there's a lot of gray area between B and C. I don't have answers about the gray area; it would depend on how the story was written.
Did that make any sense?