I definitely, viscerally get the desire to stand up for somebody you care about who's taking a beating (literal or no). I have done and said many stupid things as a result. I think that to a certain degree it's a healthy thing. I probably wouldn't want to spend too much time with someone who didn't basically want to give me a hand...
But even when I'm doing/saying the stupid thing, I'm usually thinking, "This is unnecessary. This is just a grand stupid gesture. X can handle this just fine themselves." Which I think is a different thing than the conscious reminder? I'm acknowledging, not reminding. And my grand stupid gestures are of the supportive variety, not the inserting myself between my buddy and the other guy. Which feels qualitatively different to me...but maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better? *g* (And I do make an effort, these days, to not step into other people's battles just for the sake of registering my willingness to do so.)
Which is to say that yes, I totally agree that a lot of these cases are in practice really insulting and sketchy, but no, the basic in-theory premise doesn't ring particularly false to me.
no subject
Date: 19 Sep 2008 06:33 pm (UTC)But even when I'm doing/saying the stupid thing, I'm usually thinking, "This is unnecessary. This is just a grand stupid gesture. X can handle this just fine themselves." Which I think is a different thing than the conscious reminder? I'm acknowledging, not reminding. And my grand stupid gestures are of the supportive variety, not the inserting myself between my buddy and the other guy. Which feels qualitatively different to me...but maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better? *g* (And I do make an effort, these days, to not step into other people's battles just for the sake of registering my willingness to do so.)
Which is to say that yes, I totally agree that a lot of these cases are in practice really insulting and sketchy, but no, the basic in-theory premise doesn't ring particularly false to me.