kaigou: this is what I do, darling (flamethrower)
[personal profile] kaigou
I say we create a new wiki page to discuss a newly-identified syndrome, which I suggest we name after its two most prominent victims: Rice-Hamilton disorder.



Rice-Hamilton disorder (RHD) is a very rare authorial egotistical disorder (AED), but is controllable if caught in time and treated properly. It is the least common of the genre-specific authorial infections (GSAI); it appears to strike female authors exclusively. There are no known male cases.

Misdiagonsis
RHD should not be mistaken for a milder AED, called reader-aggravated frustration (RAF), which is a short-term illness usually lasting no more than a week. Studies have shown RAF is caused almost exclusively by environmental triggers, although these are often identical to those causing the active cycle in RHD. While RAF is not normally career-threatening, repeated exposure has been known to lower the author's sensitivity to future bouts. Avoidance behaviors may lead the author to abandon writing for a new career, often as a mid-level manager at a home insurance company.

Pathology
RHD appears to be caused by a combination of natural ego and long-term genre exposure; there also appears to be a strong link between RHD and high sales numbers, when reduced critical acclaim is present. The onset of the disorder's active cycle is often triggered by external events, such as a harsh professional review, a particularly obtuse reader on Amazon, or being named on Fandom Wank. Both the natural drive for recognition, and prolific writing skills, further enable the retaliation cycles, thus significantly increasing the disorder's hold on the sufferer with each additional cycle.

Transmission
This disorder is not infectious; however, it may be that exposure to RHD early in an author's career may somehow inoculate the author against potential RHD development later.[-citation needed]

Risk Factors
Studies have indicated that several crucial elements must be present for RHD to occur, although most authors with these risk factors will never develop RHD. There are still many questions on why some authors develop RHD and others do not.

At least four of the following factors are required for an author to be considered at-risk for RHD.
  1. Post-college age, with at least four best sellers.[1]
  2. Writes in the horror-fantasy sub-genre focused on vampires.
  3. Specifically approaches vampires as sympathetic, sometimes hyper-sexed, often broody.
  4. Vehemently protective of created world and characters.
  5. Stridently anti-fanfic[2]; may employ, or plans to employ, a law firm for anti-fanfic purposes.
In borderline cases where only three symptoms are present, the determining factor is three or more recorded episodes of purchasing gifts for own characters, dressing up as characters, or responding to fan letters in characters' voices. If such are present, the diagnosis is considered both accurate and undeniable.

Symptoms
Authorial disorders of this nature are associated with distress and paranoia, and a relatively high risk of hissy fits. Unlike the AEDs a normal author might experience, one with RHD experiences extreme reader-directed antagonism that can last for months to years. This state is prefaced by a long gestation period during which the ego levels rise incrementally along with sales, which is often misdiagnosed as a chronic variant of RAF.

Additional symptoms may include:
  • Plot deficiency; often rationalizes with 'character-driven' defense.
  • Grandiosity; self-identifies as the ultimate standard for the genre.
  • Consistently illogical; unable to recognize fallacies in verbal or written communcation.
  • Narcissism; encourages perceived fan-obsession with author's sex life or political opinions.
  • Excessive talkativeness; often combined with mono-focus on hardships of being an author.
  • Risk-taking behaviors; acts out by poking crazy screechy monkeys with a stick.

Complications
With only a small pool of RHD cases available for study, scientists must rely on anecdotal evidence. So far the research indicates a lack of editorial oversight is directly correlated to a hastening of the disorder's progress. Limited editorial involvement may increase the RHD sufferer's perceived need to protect herself from fandom, thus prompting the disorder to enter its active attack-cycle.

Unfortunately, past a certain point in the disorder's progress, increased editorial oversight may backfire. The RHD sufferer may withdraw entirely, switching to a different publishing house from which she will then attack both fans and former editors.

Prevention
RHD is truly one of those disorders in which an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. The simplest means is to dissuade female authors from remaining in the fantasy-horror vampire sub-genre longer than three books. Another course of treatment is to encourage any at-risk author to attempt one or more of the following.
  1. Regular exposure to current and historical authors in genre, with self-assessment geared towards achieving humility in comparisons.
  2. Embrace fandom, especially fanart and fanfic; at minimum, use self-hypnosis to willfully ignore fandom existence.
  3. Learn relaxation techniques for use during self-googling when critical reviews, fan forums, or fanfiction domains may appear in search results.
  4. In more extreme risk-cases, remove all access from the internet; limit interaction to monthly updates on official web site.
  5. Rewrite vampires as bloodthirsty, unsexy, vicious rabid dogs too busy killing things to brood.
Treatment
Depending on the stage of the disorder, preventive treatments may have some efficacy in reducing the disorder's progress. For later stage RHD, however, there may be no recourse except to isolate the sufferer, remove her internet access, and ban her from all conventions or conferences.

The more advanced the RHD, the more chance a sufferer may introduce the disorder to a new genre; there are preliminary signs RHD, or a variant, may have appeared in the religious sub-genre of historical fiction. For this reason, many scientists argue against genre-switching; a negative impact on unrelated genres is too high a risk, given the existing questions about RHD's pathology. In the disorder's final stages, the only treatment may be to end all authorship; this is the only proven cure.

Sadly, pointing and laughing hysterically does not have any effect on RHD once it has passed into its final stage. However, this behavior is efficacious for fans and fellow writers dealing with annoyance in the wake of the disorder's active cycle.

References
[1] Some scientists argue RHD is possible in men, but surfaces in the medical thriller genre instead.
[2] There is some question whether this definition should be expanded to 'anti-fandom', which would include fan-art.

See Also
Crichton Penii Competition Disorder (CPCD)
Ellison Obsessive-Mammarive Disorder (EOMD)




Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I do crack myself up.
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Date: 3 Jan 2007 05:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] difrancis.livejournal.com
Giggling a lot . . . but makes me wonder if Harlan Ellison's syndrome is a branch of this disease, or what?

And I want a definition of CPCS. Really. Want.

Di

Date: 3 Jan 2007 07:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tharain.livejournal.com
Oh, and you crack ME up, too!

EXCELLENT!

::poke, poke::

::SCREECH SCREECH::

Date: 3 Jan 2007 07:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] roseya19.livejournal.com
This is... I'm sorry, laughing hysterically here. Ditto the desire for you to expound on CPCS--though I've got some pretty weird visuals running through my head right now.

Date: 3 Jan 2007 09:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ravensilver.livejournal.com
Thank the Gods that I have my own office in the house. So no one wonders whether I've finally gone *totally* off my rocker for sitting here in tears and laughing hysterically.

I actually bought most of the LKH books, because I liked the first few. But just yesterday I caught myself actually contemplating donating them to the local library...

Thank you for brightening my day. ^^

Date: 3 Jan 2007 11:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kythiaranos.livejournal.com
You crack me up, too. That was awesome!

Date: 3 Jan 2007 12:49 pm (UTC)
annotated_em: close shot of a purple crocus (Default)
From: [personal profile] annotated_em
*giggling very quietly in her cube* You crack me up, too. *applause*

Date: 3 Jan 2007 01:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maldoror-gw.livejournal.com
*laughs hysterically*

'Risk-taking behaviors; acts out by poking crazy screechy monkeys with a stick'

*laughs some more*

'Rewrite vampires as bloodthirsty, unsexy, vicious rabid dogs too busy killing things to brood.'

Oh yes, PLEASE. It's strange how it seems associated with vampires...maybe a vampire plot out there.

Date: 3 Jan 2007 03:42 pm (UTC)
ext_27003: (Default)
From: [identity profile] sans-pertinence.livejournal.com
*dies laughing* Oh, Jesus, you've finally killed me. The 'See Also' bit is what really did me in.

Date: 3 Jan 2007 03:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aulus-poliutos.livejournal.com
There is a male variant, the Grass-Walser Syndrome. It afflicts male writers of Literature with a capital L and is fought in newpapers and journals rather than on the net. Men tend to be more single-minded and thus they pick on specific reviewers who dared to say something else than enthusiastic praise about the authors' great masterworks of Literature, and kill them off in their next books, or make them psychotic characters in dire need of a straigh jacket. In bad cases they even try to damage the reputation of a reviewer in RL.

A possible cure: don't give those authors any more Literature Prizes and Praise, and try to find the dead bodies in their cellars.

Date: 3 Jan 2007 04:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] difrancis.livejournal.com
EOMD---Snarf!!!!!

Date: 3 Jan 2007 05:16 pm (UTC)
tiercel: (Default)
From: [personal profile] tiercel
BWAHAHAHAHA

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaigou.livejournal.com
Hehehehe, I hope this doesn't come back to bite me in the ass. "Be careful around that author; she's created wiki listings roasting Authors Who Behave Badly."

*poses*

Hah.

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaigou.livejournal.com
Come on, someone had to write it! It was just WAITING to be written -- first Rice, then Hamilton, who's next? *fears for the genre*

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaigou.livejournal.com
I have no idea how I'd do one for CPCS, though it does seem to be more common -- see 's comment below. Clearly someone needs to do a companion wiki entry!

(Though that's something for more serious ponderings, what's going on with the mindset for some authors. There are plenty of stories of authors of both genders, and all genres, reacting quite pettily to critical professional reviews. It's not so common for authors to just launch outright rant-level, illogical, lengthy attacks on their own fans; that seems to be the arena predominantly of female writers. Or have men done it but not nearly as noisily? Or just not as publically? Curious.)

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaigou.livejournal.com
I'm just here for the comic relief, ma'am!

*salutes*

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:39 pm (UTC)

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaigou.livejournal.com
My work here is done!

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaigou.livejournal.com
I'm having visions of vampires collecting money via paypal to bribe agents and publishers into continuing pro-sympathetic-vampire fiction as part of some PR scheme. Sort of like the Neocons paying entertainment figures to spout pro-neocon idiocy... actually, that would be a great deal like it, come to think of it. I'll leave any extension of the 'blood-sucking undead fiend' analogy to your imagination.

*dances around*

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaigou.livejournal.com
Woot! I killed Ravengirl!

I'm such a bastard!



[hehehe]

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:45 pm (UTC)
ext_373237: (Default)
From: [identity profile] chibidrunksanzo.livejournal.com
ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME!! XD

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaigou.livejournal.com
Hmm, you may be onto something here. I wonder if that's a variant of the Crichton syndrome; often such things are discovered (and named) separately in various countries/cultures, and only determined to be the same thing after some length of time.

We definitely need someone to write the additional wiki entries for the 'milder' forms of authorial egotistical disorders, or perhaps arrange them by genre? CCPS and Grass-Wassler are likely unrelated to genre, and, IIRC, probably unrelated to genre. They could strike! Anyone! At any time! Clearly a previously-unidentified epidemic; next thing you know, they'll be prescribing Reviewex to any author with opposable thumbs. It'll be the biggest drug issue since Prozac Nation!

*panics, runs around in circles*

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaigou.livejournal.com
*strikes a pose*

Date: 3 Jan 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)

Date: 3 Jan 2007 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
Sorry I didn't answer so long -- was running around doing chore-type stuffs! Basically, I'm only going to be around for all of today and all of tomorrow. ;_; But I have no more appointments and no more chores, so I can drop by to visit (or vice versa, if you want to meet the dog again) anytime!

Date: 3 Jan 2007 07:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angikate.livejournal.com
So what if a male varient is in genre, charges $1000.00 plus vague expenses *before* officially publishing, takes his inability to write out on his editors, and has all the other symptoms of RHD (including egomania from NYT Bestseller status)?
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kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
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