12 Apr 2010

kaigou: It's dangerous to go alone, Alphonse says, and holds out a cat: here, take this. (2 dangerous to go alone)
I came across this post at Pandagon, and it's well worth the read if you're in the dating pool: Red Flags. For those of you who get a little skeevy at the notion of visiting a feminist, libertarian/liberal, big-d Democrat blog, this particular post isn't ultra-politicized. It's just a list of simple things to watch out for when dating, signs of whether a guy can (or will) treat you decently, as a fellow human being.

An excerpt:
...I’ve never seen this red flag fail to pan out---if a guy can’t think of any female musicians or writers he admires, then he’s a giant, honking sexist and you will regret dating him. The deeper he is into being a fan of an art form, the more women in that field he should admire. ...

What’s funny about this red flag and most others is that you don’t have to be on some hunt for them. These red flags are things men pay very little price for waving, generally speaking, so they see no reason not to wave these red flags. I’ve noticed that guys---even ones that claim to be feminist---don’t often go out of their way to hide their contempt for female abilities in this field or that. Very often, a guy’ll be deep into something, and if he feels this way about women, he won’t hesitate to proclaim it, with lots and lots of bullshit attached. Often of the evo psych variety. I’ve heard men deny that women can rap, that women can really play lead guitar, that women can’t write a great novel or even a sci-fi novel. If a man makes blanket statements about the lack of female genius, this will not work out well. The exception to this rule is that if a man seems to believe women can’t play in the NFL, then he’s just observing a fact. However, I’d monitor how gleeful he is about that fact, and whether or not he stretches this observation to suggest women can’t golf or something of that nature.

The entire post is a very handy, and concrete, list. I think the Leo scored damn well on it, but then, we dated after I'd done my time meeting and un-meeting losers, so by then I had a better grasp on the red flags, even if I never articulated it quite as clearly as Amanda does in the linked post.

Come to think of it, the only advice my mother could articulate for who'd be worth my time were that (a) a guy who'd wear pink was a man secure in his sexuality, and (b) if you want to know how a guy will treat you in twenty years, look at how he treats his mother now. Though I admit it took me a few years to realize she didn't just mean whether he's courteous. It's that, but also things like whether he talks to her at all, or does he not tell her on the grounds it's better off if 'she just doesn't know' or worse, 'she wouldn't understand, anyway'. Eventually a man with that attitude will see his partner in the same light. Frustrating, but true.

Regardless, if you're dating now or might be later, the linked post is some damn good advice. Worth reading.
kaigou: The two things that matter most to me: emotional resonance and rocket launchers. (3 whedon wisdom)
Someday, I'll find a story with a scene like this, and I'll be very happy. Don't tell me I'm gonna have to write it myself. I have enough on my plate. (Also, it was supposed to be much shorter, but tonight I didn't just have Good Sushi, I had Okonomiyaki, and thus is bliss.)

A short scene. SFW, snark, some cussing. )


kaigou: this is what I do, darling (Default)
锴 angry fishtrap 狗

to remember

"When you make the finding yourself— even if you're the last person on Earth to see the light— you'll never forget it." —Carl Sagan

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